Taming your mama bear rage while driving

McKenzie and I have written several posts now about how stressed out we've been, and I thought I would share a few techniques I have been using to better manage my own stress. But, I am going to focus specifically on how I tame my stress while I'm in the car. Some of my stress lately is what I call "mama bear rage" where I go into protective mode and my emotions are just plain running HOT! 

Why am I focusing on taming stress while in the car? 

Well, simply put, when you are stuck behind the wheel you can feel exactly that--STUCK. And, if there is traffic? If you are stuck in the carpool lane at school? Or waiting in a drive-thru that you can't get out of? Or the kids are arguing? Or you are late for an appointment? Or you overslept? Or...or...or...

UGH! Cue rising stress levels?

I have found the following to be mama bear stress and rage tamers when I'm in the car--even if the source of my stress has nothing to do with driving:

1. Classical music in the car
I stumbled upon the classical radio station pretty much by accident. I was flipping through channels in rush hour traffic, becoming more and more enraged at the stupidity of several other drivers, the snail's pace of traffic, and the lack of an obvious source for the backup, and it seemed like every station was in the middle of playing commercials instead of music or a DJ's commentary.

Even worse? Half of the stations were playing the same commercial for a men's testosterone clinic--a commercial that I just can't stand for all sorts of reasons.

Flick...commercial.
Flick...commercial.
Flick...ohhhh, what's this???

After going through a number of my go-to music stations, I started scanning stations I don't normally listen to and hit on classical.

AND I LOVED IT!

I've been listening to classical music, cranked up nice and loud, in the car for several months now, and while I still get annoyed in traffic, I find my stress level is a lot lower than if I listen to anything else.

There's something about the up and down crescendos and the interplay between various types of instruments, operatic voices singing in Italian and other languages that I can't understand, and commentary that has NOTHING to do with traffic, politics, or current events.

Can I tell the difference between a piece by Chopin or Tchaikovsky or Brahms? NOPE. But, I don't care.

I CAN tell a difference in my mood.

So, mamas, crank up that classical music and drown out the noise in your head, the anger at other stupid drivers, the children arguing in the backseat! Hopefully, it will work for you too!

2. Practice my posture
Mamas, when was the last time you checked your posture? If you are at all like me, you hunch your shoulders forward, duck your chin, and simply don't stand or sit up straight. And, it is draining your energy.

I get it. We are busy and we are T.I.R.E.D.

Am I right????

I'm no stranger to poor posture, especially if I am overly tired, stressed out, or just plain worried about stuff. In fact, as I type this at 1:45am, I am realizing how tight my shoulder and neck muscles are, how stiff my back feels, and how compact I have made my body.

And, it's doing me no good.

I find that this poor posture follows me into the car, but the car is the perfect place to really focus on sitting up straight, positioning your seat ideally, and generally working on your body's natural, healthy alignment.

Have you ever noticed how if you sit with your butt all the way to the back of your seat, with the seat back in a natural feeling, almost upright position, and you elongate your back to have contact with the seat from shoulders to tailbone, your posture becomes almost perfect??? Sit like that, and focus on holding your head up, having your arms outstretched but comfortable in front of you with your hands comfortably on the steering wheel. If you are truly utilizing good posture IT FEELS GOOD!

And, you are stuck in the car, so why not make sure you have great posture while you are sitting there? At red lights, readjust your butt in the seat, stretch your arms and pull your shoulders back, and adjust the mirrors as needed to accommodate your GOOD posture.

I always feel a little stronger, a little more even, and a lot more in control when I drive with great posture. I know it sounds kind of silly, but seriously, give it a try!

3. Breathe
Duh, we all have to breathe to stay alive, right? True enough, but just like focusing on your posture while you sit in your car, you can also find moments here and there to really focus on your breathing too.

Think about it--if you are stressed out, you probably are breathing more shallowly than when you feel relaxed or upbeat. And, you might be taking fewer breaths than you realize too.

Chances are it also adds to feelings of stress, anger, and impatience while driving.

Just as I periodically take a moment to focus on my posture or really get into a piece of classical music on the radio, I take little snippets of time to take a few deep, slow breaths.

Sometimes, I might just be at a red light and spend the minute or so breathing in slowly and deeply through my nose and out slowly through my mouth.

Or, I might feel my anger rising at a stupid move by the car in front of me...
Or, maybe I am stewing over something my son promised to do but didn't...
Or, any number of things.

I crank up the classical station a touch more, check my posture, and take a few deep, controlled breaths.

And, for at least a moment or two, I feel a little relief.

Classical + posture + breathe...and repeat as often as necessary.

Mamas, I hope you find little moments in your day here and there, whether in your car or otherwise, to focus on a few small ways to practice self-care.

You deserve it.

Did you enjoy this post? Check out these related topics:

• 5 self care ideas for busy moms
• How do you cope with overwhelming life events?
• 5 valid reasons to take a break from blogging
• When life gets crazy: start meal planning
• We challenge you to an exercise in gratitude

We challenge you to an exercise in gratitude

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McKenzie and I have been talking privately about gratitude lately and how to recognize the blessings in our lives when so much feels so wrong. We've both been facing more stress and uncertainty in our lives than ever before. 

Naturally, we are both feeling

...stressed
.....anxious
........a bit crazy.

As we have talked through our recent personal challenges, we keep coming back to the idea of gratitude. 

As I was scrolling through Pinterest for bullet journal ideas, I came across the idea of single sentence journals. In the middle of a shift at work, I suddenly had the idea of doing a daily, single sentence gratitude journal and shared the idea with McKenzie. Together we put together a simple, single page journal for one sentence per day for a full month. 

The idea is simple, and we hope it will work for other busy and REAL moms like us. 

Let's face it, even on a good day, we are so busy taking care of our families and jobs and life that we often have little left in the tank at the end of the day. The thought of sitting down to write a full journal or diary entry is competing with thoughts of our to-do list for tomorrow, what we didn't manage to accomplish today, worries for our children, and so much more. 

But, we ALL need to take at least a moment out of the day for ourselves--especially on horrible, rotten, no good, bad days. 

Because even on those terrible, ridiculously stressful, nothing-went-right days, we still need and deserve to care for ourselves. 

Make it super simple with our single page, one sentence gratitude journals. 

I am challenging McKenzie and all of our readers, friends, and followers to join me in a one month, daily gratitude practice! All it takes is printing out one of our journals and writing one sentence every day about what you are grateful for. Periodically share your journals on social media with the tag #mom2momed so we can find you!

Are you ready to get started? 

As an incentive, I've DROPPED the price on our mint green journal page on Etsy to a mere 50-cents through October 31st! If you prefer blue or pink, they are still super affordable at only 99-cents each. Get your pages HERE.

To get us started, I'll share a gratitude sentence right now:

I'm so grateful for McKenzie's friendship, 

especially through the last few months.

So, what are you waiting for? Get your gratitude on!

Love this post? Check out these great blog articles next:

• Life is education
• 5 things I wish I had done differently as a parent
• Real moms: McKenzie interviews her mama

 

Life IS Education

It’s no secret that lately Malea and I have been struggling. 

Like really struggling. 

We’ve cried on the phone, into our coffee, in our cars, and alone at night. When we dreamed up Mom2MomEd we didn’t want this to be focused so heavily on our lives. We wanted to be “real” but mainly focus on education. 

It’s becoming apparent that right now we really need to focus more on our lives.

HOWEVER, I think we’re focused on education now more than ever. We’re learning, we’re teaching our kids, and we’re hopefully sharing with you some tools to help you during hard times. We sure learn a lot from you too!

Life is evolving. 

It’s not perfectly wrapped up into a four-sided, one-size-fits-all box.  
Life is education. 
It’s growing, it’s falling down, it’s getting up, and it’s looking in the mirror and deciding that you are NOT giving up.

It is during the darkest times that the light begins to shine through. It’s never bright to start. It’s faint….but it’s there. As parents, I think we are sometimes too hard on ourselves and feel as if we need to suck it up and shelter our children from our heartaches, struggles, and emotions. While I think that we need to use judgment and make sure what we share is age appropriate, I also think that it’s good to normalize feelings and emotions for our kids. We are their role models and what we demonstrate will likely set the tone for how they interact with hard times in their own lives.

Life is hard sometimes. Life throws you a curveball and you still have to get up and fight.

Since my son has started kindergarten this year he’s had some really tough life lessons. He’s learned that no matter how nice you are to someone, they may still not be nice back. Sometimes people use their words (or hands) to hurt others and not everyone knows how to be a good friend. 

It’s not what happens to us that matters, as much as how we respond to those things.

My son has also learned that it’s good to be kind even if others aren’t. It pays to do the right thing and you should never change who you are to be someones friend. He’s getting an education. An education that far outweighs him being able to write all of his letters, be able to read a chapter book or even sit quietly at a desk.

I’m getting one too. I used to think that once you were an adult you sort of knew everything and life was just a piece of cake.  

Do I need to even tell you how wrong I was??? 

Adults are learning all of the time. We are continuing our education, balancing, and adjusting all of the time. In fact, I feel like I’m growing more and more the older I get.

I’m growing through my kids now too. I have to learn to sit back and watch them flounder sometimes, get their feelings hurt, learn a hard lesson. But, I also get to see them succeed, look at me with intense pride on their faces, and feel good about doing the right thing. 

I was talking to Delilah’s preschool teacher today (whom I adore and I highly value her opinion) about how to teach kids to do the right thing and have compassion for others. We came to the conclusion that it’s modeled and they just tend to mimic what they are around and learn from us. It’s not in a lesson plan. It’s not on a worksheet that they can copy and paste. 

It’s life….Life IS education.

In fact, the longer I’m on this ride called LIFE I’m becoming more and more convinced that the most important lessons we learn in life are the ones that you can’t really teach and you can’t really pinpoint.

So there. 

I guess I’m reminding myself (and hopefully you too) that I am way too hard on myself. 
Learning takes place in all different shapes and sizes and forms. 

Life IS education...and we are still learning!

Wow! I am so blown away by McKenzie's post! THIS THIS THIS! I have been trying to articulate similar thoughts for a while now, and McKenzie pretty much captured my thoughts exactly.

Did you love this post? Check some of our other thoughts and ideas:

• We want to hear from you--how do you cope with overwhelming life events?
• 5 valid reasons to take a break from blogging
• When life gets crazy, start meal planning
• Life happens--it's not all Pinterest perfect all the time
• 5 self care ideas for busy moms
  

Alphabet Scavenger Hunt: A simple activity for pre-readers to practice their ABCs

Hey there, friends and fellow parents! 

As you may know, I have two very inquisitive pre-readers (ages 3 and 5) in my home, and we're becoming a little bit obsessed with letters and spelling. This is great; however, I'm not always feeling super creative and at times I lack the motivation to think of yet another activity we can do together that will be age appropriate for BOTH of my kids. And, I must admit that my daughter is quickly catching up to my son and is far more interested in intentionally learning her letters and how to spell than my son is.

Lately we've been playing the ABC game outdoors. This is an easy activity and can literally be done anywhere....in your house, your backyard, while driving, on a walk....you get the picture! We go on a lot of family walks and bike rides and that's the perfect time for us to play this game. We have made up our own rules (there really aren't any formal ABC game rules anyhow!) and you can do that same! 

We start with the letter A and look for anything that in the shape of an A without actually being the letter. For example, we might find some branches that are scattered and make the shape of a letter, a building that has a pitched roof that looks like the letter, a pile of leaves that have fallen, flowers....seriously anything!

My kids end up treating the ABC game like a race to see who can find the letter first. We end up laughing and giggling at how much we have to hunt around to find letters. It's our own alphabet scavenger hunt! Sometimes we switch off letters and my son will do A and then my daughter will do B. Other times we race to see who can locate the letter first and others we skip around and take turns choosing the letter we are looking for.

There is no fancy science to this activity. It's just a fun way to practice reading skills and visual learning. Plus, since the letters are not printed in front of them they really do need to have a baseline for letter recognition.

You can read about how my son "gets tired" when we try to practice skills HERE. Because this isn't standard worksheets or workbooks, the ABC game is the perfect activity for my son! It's informal enough that he doesn't know that we're actually practicing an academic skill, yet it also engages my younger daughter.

Win, win, win.

Since life has been so crazy lately it's nice to have a quick and simple task go well. Here are some photos to illustrate how easy this game is! We literally do this in our own backyard! 



Notice how the chicken coop resembles an A?  



We found a V in the ends of the star on our porch!



 Oh, look! The wreath on our door is an O!

Do you have any fun and easy games that you play with your kids to practice skills? Can you share some ideas with other parents to help them as well? We'd love to see your pictures along with your ideas! 

And, take it a step further and challenge your kids to work out messages for themselves with lunchbox notes from our Etsy shop! When kids have an incentive to figure out the meaning of something written, they are more likely to work at the skill and remember it. Pre-readers can benefit from lunchbox notes as it is likely to spark curiosity as they will want to know what the notes say. Don't just read the note to them. Instead, ask them what they think the note says and why they might think that. Help them to start sounding out letters and recognizing the words on the notes. Of course, it's perfectly fine to just read the notes to your pre-readers too!

Check out our full selection of lunchbox notes HERE.

Be sure to check out these other great ideas for encouraging reading in your family:

5 things I wish I'd done differently as a parent

Being a mom is HARD WORK.

And, honestly, it doesn’t get easier as kids get older—it just gets different. I am a single mom to an only child, and I don’t know who has it easier: myself or my mom friends, like McKenzie, who are married with multiple children.

I just don’t know.

What I do know, however, is that while I love the idea of living life without regrets, there are a few things I wish I had done differently as a parent. Some are directly related to parenting decisions and others are more related to how I conducted myself as an adult and how that has impacted my son.

Regardless, I hope I’ve done a good enough job and that my son will go into his 18^th year and beyond with confidence, love of himself and the world, and curiosity.

That said, here are five things I wish I had done differently as a mother:

1.       Not gone back to his dad the first time I left.

My son’s dad was mentally, emotionally, and verbally abusive. I also think he had started to physically abuse my son, but I’m not 100% sure—there were some signs, but his dad always had a rational explanation for everything. I left for good, after three prior attempts, when my son was 4 years old, and I haven’t looked back. I wonder how much those first four years with his dad have impacted my son. I see some of the effects in my son’s behaviors and wonder how much damage could have been avoided.

2.       Managed my money better.

To be totally honest, before my son was born, I was terrible with money. When I was with his dad, I worked hard to be frugal, save, and make headway on debt and improving our financial situation. His dad always managed to undermine my efforts and would say things like “I’d rather live for today than worry about tomorrow” and then go on to spend the money I'd set aside for things like groceries and the utility bills. After I left for good, I was so stressed, anxious, and traumatized by those four years that starting over financially was exhausting and at times more than I could comprehend. I made poor money choices and often, even when I made exactly the right choices, I simply didn’t have enough money coming in. This year, my son and I have been tackling money issues Dave Ramsey style and I’m finally seeing some progress. I wish I’d started sooner.

3.       Made my son stay in karate.

I definitely do not regret allowing my son to quit soccer or any number of other activities, but I do wish I’d made him stick with karate. He loved karate until we ran into a frenemy situation. Eventually the frenemy situation not only included conflict between JP and his former best friend, but also between myself and the other boy’s mom. We also encountered issues with an instructor at the school. Despite resolving the instructor situation, we couldn’t get past the frenemy problem. Eventually, I let JP quit. I have regretted it ever since. He has had a lot of stress in his life, more than any child should have to deal with, but he had seemed so happy in karate prior to the fremey problem. Karate was a great outlet for his stress and anxiety and was a physical activity that helped keep him both mentally and physically healthy. It also tied in well to his very rules-bound personality and his personal commitment to issues of respect and honesty.

4.       Homeschooled him from day one.

I wanted to homeschool my children before I ever became a parent. I remember the constraints of school so well when I was curious about the world around me and really wanted to dive into different topics. I had a few amazing teachers, but I still felt stifled and didn't want my son to feel the same way. I wanted him to be free to learn and explore and soak up as much knowledge as he could about any topic that interested him. However, his dad and many others in our lives were against homeschooling (although I left his dad in 2002, we had a shared custody agreement for many years until his dad broke some major laws, went to prison, and lost all parenting rights, and until that point I was legally obligated to seek his input in educational decisions regarding JP). We didn’t begin homeschooling until halfway through fourth grade, and at that time had amazing support in place. I truly wish we’d started sooner!

5.       Spent more time listening and playing.

If you are a parent, you know how exhausting it can be to constantly be engaged with your kids (and I’m not sure you should be 100% focused on them all the time anyhow), but I wish I had been more present more often. I wish I had mustered up the energy to get down on the floor and build Lego houses or draw or go outside to kick a ball more frequently. I wish I had realized how fast those childhood years would fly by and how soon my son would want more independence and freedom and how uncool it would become to spend time with his mom. We are still super close, and I love him entirely and completely, but I wonder how many special moments were lost over the years? My guess is that most parents struggle with this one, am I right?

Despite all of this, I do know a few things for sure. I know I did a lot right.

I know I am a good mom.

I know my son is a wonderful young man.
I know we both have done the best we could.

But, if you read THIS post, you’ll know we’ve been struggling lately, and along with personal struggle comes reflection. What struggles or regrets have you experienced as a parent? How did you make peace with them?

In a future post, I'll focus on the positives and what I think I have done right as a parent!

Be sure to check out our Etsy shop for Conversation Starter cards and lunchbox notes and check out these other posts from our blog:

• The book that revolutionized my relationship with my son
• No such thing as a one-size-fits-all education
• Connecting with your child as a single parent

When life gets crazy: Start meal planning

Life has been throwing me (Malea too) for one loop after another, and when things get chaotic the only thing that helps me is to get organized.

I’ve been purging extra clutter in my home, trying to finish loooong unfinished projects, and just being more mindful about how I am spending my time, energy, and money. Some of these projects have been successful while others have left me pulling my hair out and rocking in a corner.

Seriously.

But, one thing that has always been important to me is food--and not just because it’s life sustaining! For so many of us, food is comforting, tastes good, and is fun to prepare.

I love to cook.

I also love to grocery shop.

I used to be really good at meal planning, budgeting, and keeping the items in our freezer rotated.

But lately…..it’s been a disaster.

One random trip for ONLY bananas may turn into a 100 dollar splurge on who knows what!

Lately, I’m cooking based on cravings which means even more random and EXPENSIVE runs to the store and wasting a ton of food. Wasting food is a huge pet peeve of mine. Not so much if my kids don’t eat what is on their plates, but rather having prepared food go bad in the fridge or letting fruits and veggies just rot away.

Yet, for the last couple of days, our fridge has been looking bare. I’ve purposely let it get that way so that we could use up the last of the random items in there and so I could start fresh with a large grocery haul.

Last night I sat down with my laptop and made a grocery list and a meal plan for the week.

I got up this morning and drove to three separate stores and was able to stock our fridge completely. This haul should last our family of four just over a week. I was so focused this morning that I didn’t even stop for coffee which is HUGE for me!

Seriously, Malea and I both are major coffee addicts. Caffeine might run in our veins instead of blood... {Malea commenting here: No coffeeeeee before the grocery store? McKenzie has lost her mind! I would never!}

Another thing that I struggle with is coming up with new meal ideas that everyone in our family will eat.

My daughter and I are the least picky in the house. However, my son and husband can be difficult to cook for (my husband is the pickiest in the house even though he will tell you otherwise!). I often get stuck in what I call the dinner rut. We have a few go to meals that everyone likes, so I end up preparing them over and over again. In theory, that sounds great, but inevitably everyone gets burned out on this small stable of meals, and then we’re pretty much back to basics with cold cereal and toast.

It’s a cycle I'd like to end.

So, I thought I’d share some of the meals I’ve planned for this week with the hopes that it may inspire some of you! 

I’m also shamelessly begging you to share your tried and true family friendly recipes so that I can add them to my rotation as well.

This week, some of our meals include: 

• shrimp tacos with black beans (we had these tonight and everyone gave them a thumbs up)
• flank steak and homemade potato wedges
• chicken drumsticks and corn on the cob
• Swedish meatballs and rice
• homemade pizzas
• and, a leftovers night.

These meals are not overly fancy, don’t take much time to prepare, and are all things that my kids (and husband) will eat...hopefully!

Since I’ve been in a cooking rut lately, I didn’t throw in any of our standby meals because we all really needed a break from them. However, some of our favorite typical meals are: stir fry (chicken and veggies) with white rice, tacos or deconstructed tacos (eaten with chips), salad bar, spaghetti, and BBQ chicken.

Do you feel like you end up preparing the same meals over and over? How do you break up the monotony? Do you tend to do one larger grocery trip for the week or stop several times for fewer items?

We would love your tips and tricks for meal planning and recipes. I’m experiencing a new challenge this year with planning for school lunches and finding things that pack well, that my son will eat, and that are semi portable.

Oh, and meals that won't elicit negative comments from my son's fellow kindergartners... 

Last week, my son asked for seaweed, berries, and naan bread in his lunch. I know he likes those foods, but I struggle with feeling like he’s going to be the kid with “that” lunch. That discussion will be a blog post for another day. {Malea commenting again: My son became the kid with "that" lunch thanks in part to his preferences and in part to food allergies! I'll have a whole lot to say when we have that discussion on the blog!}

In the meantime, share your meals with us. We can’t wait to hear from you!

Be sure to check out these blog posts:

• The importance of family meals
• Connect with your kids or students with conversation starter cards
• How to use conversation starter cards with your children...using them with my sweet Delilah

Make your meal planning easier with this set of 5 weekly meal planning worksheets from our Etsy shop: