3 books to help your kids (and you) cope with divorce

Please note, this is cross posted at my reading blog, Caffeinated While Reading.

 

Divorce isn't easy for anyone, but it can be especially hard for our children who may not have the maturity or vocabulary to understand or talk about what is happening in their family. It is hard for kids who may feel insecure, who may worry that they are unloved, who may think the divorce is their fault. 

 

It's obviously hard for parents too. 

 

And, the difficulties on both sides -- parent and child -- can make talking about divorce and making your and their way through it difficult. Books can help. 

 

My son was 4 years old when his father and I separated, and it was hard on all of us, but especially on JP. My priority was making sure that he understood that he was loved and wanted and that he had a safe way to explore and express his feelings. I spent a few hours at my local bookstore, looking at children's books about divorce and changing families and brought home the following books -- the first two are specifically for children and the third is for parents.

 

I will be honest, my son wasn't always in the mood to have these books read to him or to read them with me. Sometimes he was just mad and wanted to stomp around and be angry or to curl up in a ball and cry. But, I would calmly remind him, "Hey, I know you don't want to read these books right now, but I also know that when we do read them together, you always end up feeling better. You start smiling and relaxing and we can talk about what you're feeling and thinking about afterwards. It's OK if you just want to curl up in a ball while I read to you, or I can rub your back, or you can pace around and just listen."

 

Most of the time, he'd curl up next to me or in my lap or he'd want me to rub his back while we read, and almost every time, he would feel better -- and he'd recognize that too. We read each of these books dozens of times from the time he was 4 years old until about 7 years old, and they truly helped both of us to navigate difficult emotions and conversations.

 

If your family is going through divorce or separation or you know a family that is, I hope these books will help you or them too. 

My Family's Changing: A First Look at Family Break-Up by Pat Thomas and Lesley Harker

 

This sweet book combines a story with discussion prompts. You can read it straight through as just a story, you can stop at each discussion prompt as you go, or you can stop at one discussion prompt and set the book aside while you talk things through.

 

The illustrations combined with the story and the prompts helped my son to feel like he was seen and heard amidst the grown up problems. The prompts are especially great if you aren't sure how to talk to your child about divorce or a family break up. 

 

There's an entire range of books in the series from topics such as family dynamics to bullying to inclusion and diversity and more. 

• Buy My Family's Changing on Bookshop HERE.
• Buy My Family's Changing on Amazon HERE.
  

 

Dinosaurs Divorce by Marc Brown and Laurie Krasny Brown

 

Like My Family's Changing, Dinosaurs Divorce helps kids navigate the ups and downs and new normal of divorce and changing families. And, if the dinosaurs look somewhat familiar, it's because Marc Brown is also responsible for the Arthur books and cartoon series. Of all the books we had about divorce -- and we had many -- this is the one we read the most.

 

My son particularly liked this book over the others because of the dinosaurs. I think it was easier for him to view divorce through the lens of a non-human character and it was easier to approach a very real and difficult topic through very unreal/non-human characters. Children live in a magical space between reality and make believe, and they often use make believe to sort out their feelings about very real problems. Using dinosaurs in place of humans is a great way to help ease kids through such a difficult experience.

 

Also like My Family's Changing, Dinosaurs Divorce is part of a larger series of books that tackle numerous topics. One of the most popular other books in the series is When Dinosaurs Die. 

• Buy Dinosaurs Divorce on Bookshop HERE.
• Buy Dinosaurs Divorce on Amazon HERE.
  

Mom's House, Dad's House by Isolina Ricci

 

This book is for the adults in a child's life, but it will help you manage your own way through the divorce or separation in a way that supports your child. 

 

One of the reasons I love this book is that it doesn't assume anything is one parent or the others fault. In fact, it offers suggestions and analysis for self-reflection to look at your own behavior and thoughts as both a parent and a divorcing or separating adult and think, "Is this thought or behavior reasonable or am I the problem in this situation?" Ricci also gives many ideas and tips and thoughtful suggestions for how to talk to children and how to work with the other parent or guardian.

Ricci's book helped me to navigate disruptive issues with my son's father and to set firm boundaries during a difficult situation. It gave me a framework for sorting out what I needed as a half of a divorcing couple but also what my son needed and how to best show up for him. It helped me to see both sides of the divorce and gave me many excellent ideas and tips to consider when it came to the overall situation, as well as for specific situations and for sorting out a parenting and custody plan. The book gave me a vocabulary to use and a way to look at things more objectively. 

I truly believe Ricci's book helped me to navigate what was best for my son, even when that sometimes conflicted with what I wanted for myself.

 

There's also a kids version of Mom's House, Dad's House by Isolina Ricci, but I have not read it or reviewed it. Have you?

• Buy Mom's House, Dad's House on Bookshop HERE and the kids version HERE.
• Buy Mom's House, Dad's House on Amazon HERE and the kids version HERE.
  

There are many, many books about divorce for parents and children, but time and time again I am led to believe these three are the best. What books do you think divorcing or separating couples should read? How about kids stuck in the middle?

 

Please note: links may be affiliate in nature. Making purchases through these links may result in a small commission to us at no extra cost to you. Thank you in advance!

 

A Mom2MomEd Story: The day my son cut his own hair

For the record, the child pictured above is not my son...read onward...

If you are a parent, you have undoubtedly had that moment of realizing that the house is suddenly just a little too quiet for comfort.

Maybe the kids have discovered how absorbent toilet paper is and decided to experiment by stuffing as much of it in the toilet as possible and then flushing. Maybe they discovered a permanent marker and decided a few tattoos on themselves and on the nearest wall were in order.

Or...as happened with my son...your child found some scissors and decided to perform his or her own haircut. 

Let's face it -- if you are a parent, you've probably been there, done that with at least one child. Am I right???

So, let me tell you a story about the day my darling little boy (he's 21 now!) decided to trim his own hair.

When my son was born, we were extremely broke -- like one wrong thing and we'd be homeless if it weren't for the help of my parents level broke. As a result, I taught myself to do as many tasks as I could myself, including cutting our hair myself. As he grew older and more mobile, I became careful about putting scissors away as soon as I was done cutting his hair. 

Shortly after my son's third birthday, I trimmed his golden locks, preparing him to be the ring bearer in my sister's upcoming wedding. He was going to be so cute in his tiny tuxedo, Jerry Maguire glasses (remember that kid?), and golden curls! He was excited and so was I!

Fast forward an hour or so after the haircut and my realizing I hadn't heard a noise from my little guy in a while... Curious, I looked around the living room and didn't see him -- I'd left him playing with his Duplo blocks while I did some cooking and cleaning in the adjacent kitchen. But, the sliding glass door was open a crack (thankfully our yard was small and secure!).

I found my child on the patio, scissors in one hand, and a clump of hair in the other!

And, a big ol' bald spot smack in the middle of his hair at the top of his forehead. 

My child had not only cut off a big chunk of his own hair, but he'd done so in an area that would not only be impossible to hide with the rest of his hair due to the location, but it also was quite a large patch! And, he'd cut the hair so close to the skin that it looked like he'd stopped just short of scalping himself!

I didn't know if I should laugh or cry and I probably did a little of both. 

I ended up trimming his hair as much as I could. but because he'd cut so much and so closely to the skin, I didn't do a great job -- I didn't have the tools to deal with that effectively. So, his sweet, thick, soft, golden hair was gone. No more adorable curls framing his face. No more sweet bangs flopping down over his forehead. 

By the time we flew to California for my sister's wedding and the preceding wedding party events, my son's hair had not had time to grow back. So, my future brother-in-law took my little boy to a friend's barbershop and they returned to my sister's house with a well done haircut that looked...

Good...?

The new haircut was indeed well done and obviously the work of a professional barber, but my son's hair was so lightly golden and the haircut necessarily so close to the head due to the near scalping nature of my son's DIY attempt that my child looked bald.

Truly, if you weren't right next to him, you couldn't actually see his hair! 

Imagine if you will, a three year old of usually serious nature, large round glasses, button down shirts (his favorite at the time), and hair so light that he looked bald from a distance. Oh, and did I mention that his head was, um, large?

Now, imagine the same little boy in a tuxedo. His head looked even larger.

My son did a great job as the ring bearer at my sister's wedding, but throughout the reception, I continually had people coming up to me and asking questions like, "What kind does he have?" or "How is he handling treatment?" It took a minute for me to realize they thought he was bald due to chemotherapy and cancer!

YIKES!

But, my son made up for the seriousness of such questions by being a little bit of a comedian at the reception, climbing under the bridal party's table on the stage and sticking his head out from under the floor length table cloths and looking around -- his head looked disembodied and he was so stoic in his expression that the effect was hilarious! People noticed and he became even more serious and funny at the same time!

I wish I had pictures of my son's first (and only, thankfully) do-it-yourself haircut and the events that followed.I probably had at least a moment of being mad, but in hindsight, I'm so glad my son and I shared this experience! Photos would have been precious keepsakes, but I do have my memories. 

Tell us a story about your own kids giving themselves haircuts! What did they do and how did you handle it? 

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My son's birth story and why you need an advocate in the birthing suite

The summer of 1998 was a hot one in Portland, Oregon and I was exhausted and having a lot of lower back pain as I walked through Portland's downtown Saturday Market with my son's father and two of his other kids. I was expecting to give birth in well over three weeks in mid-September, despite my being pretty sure my due date should have been in late August.

But...

I was young and scared of life. 
I trusted my midwife even when my gut instinct said she was wrong.
I trusted my son's father even when my gut instinct screamed at me not to do so.

I made a lot of wrong moves in my early and mid-20s, but I wouldn't undo most of them because those choices eventually resulted in my son becoming a part of my life. 

Over the course of my pregnancy, I ran into several complications with my insurance plan and I was sick a lot...like ALL. THE. TIME. Because of the insurance issues, I had to switch from the OB/GYN clinic I had chosen to a midwifery clinic I knew nothing about, and worse, I couldn't get in for a few MONTHS. I couldn't get lab work done for several months either and I missed a lot of early appointments because the insurance plan kept giving me conflicting information.

Meanwhile, I was vomiting all day, every day and couldn't stand up without wanting to pass out (and I did pass out frequently...it was almost a daily occurrence). I was LOSING weight instead of gaining and ultimately gained so little net weight that none of my neighbors realized I was pregnant until I came home from the hospital with a baby.  

I was NOT healthy.

I was too scared to go to Planned Parenthood, even though I did consider an abortion very early in my pregnancy--I already knew I was in a bad relationship and I was terrified to add a child to the mix and subject a child to the anger and psychological terror of my partner. 

And, I was too scared to leave the relationship.

I was a mess.

Eventually, in the SEVENTH MONTH of my pregnancy, I was able to get lab work that showed that I had virtually no measurable iron in my system. As soon as I started taking iron supplements, my symptoms improved and I stopped passing out. I still felt awful, but I was so much better!

Throughout those months though, my midwife kept telling me I was experiencing normal morning sickness. 

I knew she was wrong. 
I'd known many pregnant women and none vomited as much as I did. None LOST weight instead of gaining. None passed out routinely. 

But, going back to that day in Portland, perusing stalls at the Saturday Market and holding my aching back, I was just wishing I could sit down in the shade with a cold, tall glass of lemonade for the rest of the day. My ex--I left my son's father when my son was four years old--scoffed each time I wanted to sit or rest and we plugged onwards. Sunday, we pretty much did the same thing, despite the fact that my back was aching even more now. Only a hot bath followed by a heating pad calmed the pain.

I still was buying into my midwife's assertion that my son wouldn't be born for a few more weeks despite that little voice in the back of my mind whispering that my son was due VERY. VERY. SOON.

I shouldn't have been surprised then when I woke up Monday morning with the worst cramping pain I've ever experienced. The pain came in regular waves and was across my entire abdomen, but especially in the lower belly and my pelvis. 

I was in labor.

My son's dad told me it was false labor and to go back to bed as he continued to get ready to go to work.
I called my midwife and she told me it was false labor and to "stop being hysterical" and to keep my scheduled appointment for later that day.
My belly and pelvis told me IT. IS. TIME. 

The contractions became faster and harder and I finally convinced my son's father to take the morning off of work and to drive me to the hospital.

The nurses checked me out and told me I was nowhere near ready to deliver and that I should go home. I wasn't having any of it and insisted that I stay. The nurses agreed to let me stay checked in and sent me to walk laps around the building. After two laps, the contractions were so strong I couldn't stand when they hit. The nurses checked me again and said I'd progressed, but not nearly enough. They still wanted to send me home and I still refused.

More lap walking at the hospital with occasional howling on my knees when the contractions were severe.

I made my way back to the maternity ward at about noon and was checked again and told, "Wow! I've never seen a first time mom progress this fast! You need your epidural NOW or it will be too late!"

Now, friends, this is where you NEED an advocate in your corner when giving birth! My son's dad new my wishes for my birth experience and my wishes for things like an epidural, thoughts about episiotomy, beliefs regarding skin-to-skin contact immediately after birth, and much more.

My midwife knew my wishes as well.

The hospital had been given a copy ahead of time in case my midwife was not on call when I went into labor.

Yet, the ONLY person to ever ask me about my goals and wishes when we arrived at the hospital or during labor was a student midwife, and she was told--right in front of me--by my midwife, "I never follow those things."

When the student pointed out that I seemed to be struggling and that the baby's heart rate was dropping and suggested that an episiotomy might help because I simply wasn't "stretching enough to accommodate the head", my midwife balked and said, "She just needs to push and stop crying."

I was horrified but in too much pain to speak up or advocate for myself.
My son's father was oblivious and ignored pretty much everything except for the noises I was making and was teasing me relentlessly over my groans of pain, telling me that I was "squealing like a pig."

NO ONE WAS ADVOCATING FOR ME EXCEPT FOR A STUDENT...and she and I were both powerless in that moment.

I ended up with extreme tearing and a lot of emotional trauma and my son was whisked away from me, not immediately breathing. I didn't even get to touch or see my son for his first 30 minutes of life. 

I was terrified and no one was talking to me.

I finally heard my son cry and was told he was fine. He was swaddled and held up so that I could see him and then he was taken away to the NICU for a few hours before finally being deemed healthy.

And, the whole time, I was still scared, angry, and exhausted. I was pissed at the midwife who ignored the student's concerns and who ignored my wishes and goals. I was pissed at my son's dad for teasing me instead of holding my hand and supporting me through the birthing process. And, I was pissed at my son's dad for NOT being my advocate. 

In the end, my son was healthy and well, but I was not. 
I was angry.

While I know now that many women don't have their birth plans followed very closely--or at all--I also know that many women DO have their plans and wishes attended to. Many women have births that veer away from their plans, but with support and encouragement from the medical staff involved. Many women have advocates--spouses, friends, significant others, family--who intervene when they see staff NOT attending to dropping heart rates or NOT attending to concerns of unnecessary tearing or NOT attending to other concerns that are readily addressed.

If you are pregnant and looking forward to your child's birth, or if you are considering giving birth in the future, be sure you have a friend, partner, or family member who can step in and advocate for you when you aren't able to do it for yourself. 

Had my ex not been a bully and had he paid attention, perhaps he could have supported the student midwife's concerns. Perhaps I wouldn't have had tearing so severe that it was problem for YEARS after my son's birth. Perhaps my son's heart rate wouldn't have been allowed to drop so low before he was actually born. Perhaps my son wouldn't have been born NOT BREATHING. 

Perhaps my discomfort could have been mitigated and my son could have been born breathing and crying and he could have been placed on my chest immediately after finding his way into the world.

Of course, I have no way of knowing if anything would have been different if I'd had an advocate on my side. Maybe nothing would have been different, but moms...

I want you to have the OPTION of a better birth by having someone on your side who understands your wishes and goals on an intimate level and who is ready to stand up and intervene to get you the attention and care you and your baby need when you actually need it.

Thankfully, my son has grown up to be a healthy, intelligent, mature young man and he has a bright future ahead of him because I have learned to be HIS advocate.

I'm 42 now and I have no plans to have another child, but I also haven't closed the door on the possibility if the right guy came into my life. If I were to have a child in the next few years, I'd be an older mom, but I'd also be much better able to advocate for myself or to enlist someone to advocate for me in the birthing suite.

What was your birth experience like? Was it mostly positive? Negative? In between? Let us know in the comments! Or, if you'd like to be featured in our REAL MOMS interview series, please use the comment form on the web-version of our site to drop us a note and we'll get in touch!

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10 things I got RIGHT as a mom

Let's face it, this whole mothering thing is HARD work! It's so easy to feel like we've made mistakes and messed up (as I wrote about HERE), but you know what?

For all the mistakes and regrets, there is so much more that we get right!

Although I never grew up wanting to be a mom--my life plan from a young age was to be a single, carefree, childless woman of the world, working in Emergency Medicine and to travel when not working--being a mom has turned out to be the BEST thing I have ever done. Truly the best. I wouldn't want to undo this aspect of my life for anything.

My son is my world.
My son is my life.
My son is simply wonderful.

It has been a a wonderful gift to be my son's parent, and I hope you feel the same about your own children. 

Here are 10 things I feel like I got RIGHT as a mom:

1.  I hugged him A LOT.
As noted in THIS post, I am committed to hugging my son with the single rule that I hold on until HE lets go. I started doing this about 15 years ago, when my son was three years old. These hugs fill us with a sense of connection, and I think the hugs fill my son with a sense of safety and belonging.

I actually still hug him a lot...even when he doesn't want me to do so.

My son may be 18 years old, but he still needs his mama and this mama still needs her son. I don't plan to stop hugging him anytime soon, and he seems to be OK with that most of the time, often coming up and giving me hugs for no real reason other than that he wants to. 

2.  I played with him a lot
After I left my son's dad and got us out of that toxic environment, I made it a point to play with my son as often as I could muster the time and energy. We might play together for only 10 minutes or a few hours, but the point wasn't how long we played together, but rather that I was fully in the moment with my son. I also made it a point that we spent that time playing whatever my son wanted to play. Some of our favorite activities together were (and, actually still are):

• building with Legos
• drawing
• having a doodle war (more on that in another post)
• kicking around a soccer ball
• taking a nature hike or river walk
• going for a bike ride
• reading together (especially Read-a-palooza style--read about it HERE)

I wish I could say I played with my son every single day--one of my regrets is that I didn't--but I did the best I could and I know I played with him and gave him my undivided attention a whole lot more than some other parents I have encountered.

My son still asks me to play with him, but now it is mostly video games. 

3.  I gave him adventure
Although some of our adventures were huge (moving cross-country TWICE), others were more modest but still adventurous compared to how many of our friends live their lives. We made regular outings to the local nature areas in our town, accessing them in many different areas to have multiple different experiences, and we toured a lot of different museums, landmarks, and other places of interest too. At one point, we took to letterboxing, an activity where you follow clues to find a hidden log book in which you leave a mark (usually an inked stamp mark). Letterboxing took us all over our city! You can google letterboxing, but I'll be sure to come back to it in a future post!

4.  I made him order for himself at restaurants
When I was a kid, I hated it when my dad made me place orders for myself, ask sales clerks questions I might have, and so on. I hated having to speak up for myself--I'm not just an introvert, but I also tend to be incredibly shy. 

My son is the same way.

I started making my son order for himself and ask questions at an incredibly early age. If you can't talk to someone just to order a meal, you are going to have a really hard time getting along in the world! My son is flying alone for the first time next week, and I know he'll be able to ask for help, if he needs it, because I laid the groundwork early.   

5.  I made him write thank you notes
Do you like to be acknowledged when you do something nice for someone else? Me too. My grandparents were HUGE on thank you notes and I started writing them as soon as I could write...as soon as I could hold a pencil and form letters. I started my son doing the same. Initially he required a lot of guidance, but now writes thank you notes entirely on his own--even for things he didn't want or doesn't like (see McKenzie's great post on teaching children about gratitude HERE).

6.  I prioritized reading and literacy over technology
As early as my son's first week of life, I began reading to him. I read everything from children's books to my college textbooks to my son. If it had words and was worth our time and energy, I read it to him. My son quickly picked up on reading himself and before long we were reading together. You can read a lot more about our reading experiences and tips and tricks to build a family of readers HERE.

Although my son had access to computers and technology at a young age, I made sure we read books every night at bedtime, had books all over the house (even in the bathroom) and in the car, and so on. We still both frequently take books with us when we leave the house. In fact, my son is traveling to New York City next week and every time we travel more than an hour from home, I buy a new book for each of us or check books out from the library.

Additionally, at my house if you claim to be bored, I am likely to hand you a pile of guess what???

BOOKS!

7.  Although I let him watch television from an early age, I implemented limits
As noted above, my son had access to technology early on. This included television. However, I did place limits on his television viewing. This included such things as no television during meals or snacks, limiting content that I deemed to mature, and strictly limiting violent content. Whenever possible, I encouraged reading instead of viewing. I believe this eventually helped my son to make better informed decisions about what was worth watching.

In fact, although I started talking to my son about ratings and such regarding video games, the practice of monitoring his television and movie viewing had a large part in his development of critical thinking skills, particularly in regard to media messages such as in commercials and other forms of advertising. Given the recent abundance of "false news" on Facebook and other social media, these early precautions have proven invaluable. Read more about teaching critical thinking with regard to media HERE.

8.  I was honest (but age appropriate) when he had questions about s-e-x.
At some point, all kids become curious about where they came from. That, of course, leads into conversations about sex... And, even if your kids don't necessarily have questions specifically about sex, they will hear about it at some point from their peers or from television or movies or the internet.

Your kids WILL be exposed to sex before they are ready...

Think about it--when was the last time you watched prime time television and didn't hear at least a vague reference to sex, if not an all out explicit mention or discussion about it? Commercials and advertising are filled with sexual content.

While you don't have to give your children the whole scoop on sex until they are older, it can be beneficial to make sure they understand some basics from a young age. In particular, they should know the basics of how their own body works and that mommies and daddies have different body parts.

My son's dad did a terrible job of talking to our son and gave him all kinds of misinformation. Thankfully, my son was savvy enough to figure that out and one day said to me, "Mom, I think daddy told me some things wrong about sex. Can you tell me the right stuff?"

A great way to start off any such conversation is to ask your child what they already know or think and go from there. I did just that and asked my son what his dad had told him. We went piece by piece through what his dad had said, and we talked about each item and the truth about each. I then went just a step further.

I believe in telling your child as much as they are comfortable with and then just a tiny bit more. You don't want to gross out or disgust your child, but you do want to make sure they are properly informed and not relying on media or friends for information.

And, above all, make sure your child has information to help keep him or herself safe when it comes to stranger danger, improper touching, and using protection if and/or when they have sex (hopefully not until they are 40 years old, right???). I also believe in talking to kids about the realities of sex and how it is a responsibility to be taken seriously--Personally, I told my son, "If you aren't ready to have and take care of a child on your own, you aren't ready to be having sex."

9.  I was OK with saying NO (a lot).
If you want to raise a spoiled brat that believes the world owes them everything and they shouldn't have to work or be responsible, that is your choice. However, I wanted to ensure that my son was able to be a responsible, functioning member of society, capable of taking care of himself. I believe saying NO plays a big role in that!

Your kids don't need every single toy they want. They don't need every cereal in the row at the grocery store. They don't need to go to every single movie, have every single video game, or to stay up late.

It's OK to say NO. And, to say NO a lot.

Your children rely on you to enforce limits and boundaries. It is part of how they form their views of the world and their place in it. Saying no to your child also helps them learn to deal with rejection which they will have a lot of when they get old--rejection from playmates, from love interests, from jobs, and so much more.

If you don't say no often enough, your children will turn out to be spoiled brats. 

10.  I got us OUT of an abusive situation.
The absolute most important thing I got right as a mom was to leave an abusive situation. My son's dad was, unfortunately, an abusive person. He was primarily verbally, mentally, and emotionally abusive, but he also had started to physical lash out at my son in the couple of months before I left. Thankfully, my son doesn't remember a lot of that and I got us out before the damage and abuse were worse. 

I am sure there are other things I got right as a mom, and many more that I will get right in the future. There are probably a whole lot of mistakes that I've made beyond the ones in THIS post, but overall, I think I'm doing a pretty good job as a parent.

What about you? What are you doing right as a parent? What advice would you give to other moms and dads or parents-to-be on how to do a good job of raising their children? Post a comment and let us know!

Want to ramp up your parenting mojo? If nothing else, read THIS book! I read it when my son was three years old, and it changed everything about our relationship: 

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Single mom of an only child Christmas traditions

Being a single mom is both the most wonderful and the hardest thing I have ever done in my entire life. 

I love the freedom of not having to run my thoughts and ideas by anyone else and of being in charge of every decision on my own. I love how close my son and I are. I love how easy it is to basically just do whatever we want without worrying too much about too many other people.

I don't love not having anyone to lean on when times are tough or when I need a counterbalance in my parenting. I don't love having to make every HARD decision on my own. I don't love not having all the same family traditions I grew up with around the holidays.

As a single mom to an only child, I've found that our holiday traditions have changed a lot over the years, but over the last few years, we've found an easy holiday rhythm to our lives--however, this year will be a lot different...more on that later...

Santa still visits
First and foremost, my son has always gotten a stocking full of goodies from Santa--we have an "if you say you believe, then Santa will come! The second you say you don't believe, Santa stops!" agreement. My son was allowed to tell me ONCE and ONLY ONCE his true thoughts on Santa if he wanted the stocking tradition to continue. So far, at 18, he has stuck by that and still gets a stocking every single year!

I love helping out Santa!

However, WHEN my son gets his stocking and HOW he gets it have changed dramatically since he was a young tyke! For the past six years, we have not had a fireplace and we also have both given in to our night owl tendencies (McKenzie's kids are committed early worms!).

So, over the last few years, instead of getting his stocking, stuffed full of goodies, from the fireplace mantel on Christmas morning, as was the tradition when I was a child, my son has to search the house for his treats! 

Santa, ahem, leaves the stocking and treats all in one place, but hidden away. 

And, they can only be found AFTER midnight so that it is already Christmas!

A Charlie Brown Christmas
After the stocking has been found, we gather 'round the laptop to watch A Charlie Brown Christmas--it's a classic that I grew up with and now my son has grown up with it too! When my son was younger, we watched this classic ever year, but not on a particular timetable. For the past six years, A Charlie Brown Christmas has been a firm date at about 1230am on Christmas morning!

JP gathers his stocking and treats from Santa, I make hot chocolate, and we eat candy and watch the video while cuddled up together and with our dogs, all under a pile of blankets on the floor.

One Christmas gift at midnight
My son also gets to open one Christmas present of MY choosing between finding his stocking from Santa and watching A Charlie Brown Christmas. This really came about because he would beg and beg and beg to open his presents early! I finally caved and let him open ONE and ONLY ONE early, but only if I chose it. 

Holding off on the "big" present
I have always gotten my son one large present (whether in size or price or level of want) and several smaller items. I purposely get to chose the present that is opened early because I don't want him to find the one big one and then be let down by all of the others. 

In fact, I usually hide the "big" present and he gets to open it LAST, after we've had Christmas day brunch.

By holding out on the "big" present, my son is allowed to enjoy his other gifts and Santa treats and to appreciate them and our time spent together before he gets the awe-inspiring gift. Last year the big gift was a Wacom Bamboo digital tablet. A few years earlier it was a HUGE Nerf dart gun that he'd been begging for over the prior two years!

Christmas day brunch and lounging
We don't get up early ever if we can avoid it, and Christmas day is no exception. After watching A Charlie Brown Christmas, we both eventually drift off to our beds and fall asleep, waking in the morning at whatever time we happen to rise. But, even last year, my son was still up early and ready to open presents! 

Eventually, we both get up and open most of our presents and I put together a big brunch of bacon, ham, eggs, and FTWP (french-toast-waffled-pancakes...I'll explain in a future post!). I rarely ever make bacon, and FTWP is a multi-step, messy process reserved for special occasions, so this is definitely a brunch that is more in the traditional holiday meal category rather than an every day or even every weekend meal.

The rest of the day, we basically lounge around, enjoying our new goodies (I usually have a few new books and some new pajamas or a new throw blanket) and we relax and play board games too. 

Our single mom to an only child Christmas traditions have resulted in some of my absolute favorite memories over the past six years and it will be hard to do something dramatically different this year--hard for both of us.

This year, we are both going on big adventures, but not together. To be totally honest, I'm a little heartbroken to be apart over Christmas, but unless I find $6,000 (or more) out of the blue in the next two days and with no strings attached, that's how it will be. 

This year, my son will be going to New York City to visit some of our very best friends while I travel with my uncle to Argentina to deal with some business relating to my uncle's estate (my uncle was diagnosed with brain cancer just 3 months ago and is putting his affairs in order, including real estate overseas). Because my uncle doesn't celebrate Christmas and isn't a parent, I don't think he realized what a big deal it was that he booked our trip over the Christmas holiday. Since I can't afford to buy my son a ticket to Argentina, even with the generosity of others, we are taking separate trips and will have to figure out some new traditions for this year. Any suggestions?

Are you a single parent? If so, what holiday traditions do you follow with your kids? Have those traditions evolved over time?

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