Life reset -- Get back on track with me, Week 2

At the end of last weekend's post, I laid out a plan for the week. Did I accomplish anything on that plan? 

 

Other than meeting with my primary tutoring student and going to a doctor's visit, NOPE!

 

I could beat myself up about failing to achieve my plans for the week, but that's not productive. Instead, I'm recognizing that I'm a human being with a lot going on in my life and I'm giving myself some grace to try again this week. I've been dealing with some health issues that include pretty extreme fatigue and sometimes I just can't do what I set out for myself. I also had a health-related treatment this past Friday that has some unpleasant side effects, so I'm not doing as much today and am being gentle with myself.

 

I'm totally ok with that.

 

So, if like me, you need another attempt at a reset and getting back on track, follow along as I tidy, declutter, and clean today.

 

1. Trash and recycling

Like last week, I'm going to start with a trash and recycling sweep of my bedroom. I'll be setting out a trash bag, recycling bag, and a box for any items that should be donated. So, set up your own bags and/or boxes, and join me.  

 

2. Laundry, part one

I do need to do some laundry this week. I also want to work on pre-planning my outfits for the week and to have them all set and ready on a shelf so that I can just grab the day's outfit in the morning without thinking about it. 

 

I'm calling this "Laundry, part one" because I don't have the energy today to do it all at once. I'll be breaking my laundry up into chunks. 

 

Right now, I've just gathered all of the dirty laundry in my bedroom into one pile and all the clean but unfolded laundry into another. The dirty will be washed later today. The clean laundry I will fold and put away right now while I watch something on YouTube.  

 

3. Dishes that are astray

I'm tired after those two chores and want to take a break, but first, I'm going to go through my bedroom and bathroom and pick up any dishes and take them to the kitchen to be washed later.

 

BREAK TIME

Doing just those few chores was so surprisingly tiring! Mentally, I'm feeling more alert than I have for the past few weeks, but physically, I'm still drained. I am going to take a break and will be back at my reset shortly. 

 

BACK AT IT

Wow! What I had planned as a one hour break, at most, turned into a THREE HOUR nap! I must have really needed it though as I was so tired that I slept with my socks on which I NEVER do unless I'm sick or exhausted. I'm up now though, so let's get back to it.

 

4. Dishwasher and Dishes

After I was up and going from my nap, I decided to tackle the dishes in the kitchen. I unloaded the dishwasher, reloaded it, and turned it on. 

 

I started out gamifying doing the dishes (as I did last week), but ultimately, I really wanted to see the sink completely empty. I ended up completely emptying the sink and loaded the dishwasher fully, so I turned that on while I assessed the remainder of the dirty dishes. By this point, I was starting to feel fatigued again, so I tidied up what's left to wash, made myself some coffee and came back to post this update. 

 

5. Gather dirty laundry or laundry, part two

Earlier, I picked up the dirty laundry in my bedroom. I usually change my clothes in the bathroom and have my laundry basket in there. Well, all week, my laundry basket has been in my bedroom with clean laundry in it. After folding and putting away all of my clean clothes earlier today, I loaded up the dirty laundry from my bedroom.

 

Let's grab the rest of my dirty laundry and any kitchen linens and put them all in the basket and set that by the door before we take another break. As I mentioned last week, I typically sort my laundry into heavy items and lightweight items. This week, I also have to wash my winter coat and is it feel onto the floor at work into a mystery puddle in the bathroom....ewwwwww!

 

6. Fridge clean-out

Our fridge has been a mess and we're wasting a lot of money on rotting food as a result. Some of it is due to laziness and some due to all of us being ill.

 

Because I'm quite fatigued from my current health issues and treatments, I opted to focus only on the condiments in the fridge door. I did the following:

• Put everything from all of the door shelves onto the stove and counter
• Grabbed a small stool to sit on and cleaned all of the shelves in the door
• Sorted everything by similar groupings 
• As I sorted, checked expiration dates and freshness
• Tossed the things that were bad
• Combined like items (why did we have two half full jars of jalapeno slices?)
• Put everything back in like groupings (Asian sauces, Hispanic and Mexican sauces, mayo and mustard, etc.)

By the time everything was put away, I was ready for another break. Sigh... 

 

7. More fridge clean out

After a short break, I went back to the kitchen and worked on cleaning out more of my fridge. I tackled the top and middle shelves, and my drawer. 

 

Over the years, we've found that if we use the produce drawers for produce, we forget what we have and a lot rots. So, instead, we keep things on the shelves -- not the best way to keep things fresh, but it helps us to see what we have so we waste less. Then, the dairy drawer is mine, one produce drawer is for my kiddo, and the other produce drawer is for my kiddo's partner. The irony here is that I'm severely allergic to dairy! Hahaha! We use our drawers to keep things specific to our dietary restricts or that we've bought specifically for ourselves rather than for household use. 

 

When it comes to the shelves and the door compartments, most of that space is for everyone, but the bottom shelf typically ends up with more of what my kiddo and their partner eat, the middle shelf is usually produce, and the top shelf typically is mostly mine. 

 

I am saddened by how much had gone bad over the last several weeks, but this is a fresh week to start again, right? We still have plenty of food and, now that I've cleaned out and organized the fridge, we can see what we have. My goal this week is to not grocery shop at all. We have plenty of food to keep us going for more than a week -- we could probably stretch the entire month, if we really had to, without grocery shopping!

 

After cleaning out the fridge, I made myself a fruit smoothie with bananas, frozen cherries, frozen raspberries, frozen pineapple, pomegranate juice, water, and ground flax. It's delicious! I had a bunch of bananas that were getting soft, so I unpeeled them, broke each in half, and put them into a container in the fridge to use in future smoothies. 

 

At this point, I'm quite tired and probably won't do any further cleaning or tidying. The medical treatment I had on Friday really took me out this weekend! I do plan to set out an outfit for work tomorrow though. As for the rest of my laundry, I'll try to do that after work on Monday.

 

What did you get accomplished today? Drop a comment and let me know!

 

3 Ways to be a Better Etsy Customer

If you are an Etsy customer, but you don't have a shop of your own, here are three things Etsy sellers wish you would do when shopping:

 

1. Fully read and understand the listing

Please take time to fully read and and understand the item description and to thoroughly look at the photos of what you are buying. Most sellers will try to describe and show the item as accurately as possible. If you receive something that is flawed and the flaw is easily visible in the photo and/or described in the text description, don't leave a bad review for something that was obvious before you purchased. If an item is described as three inches long but you want it to be five inches long, don't buy it expecting it to miraculously become five inches long. If you are looking for a book with a specific title, don't buy something that's close and then be mad when it's not the title you wanted when the photos and description clearly state the actual title.

 

In THIS Etsy shop, I sell handmade envelopes, most of which are made from a variety of magazine pages, many of which are quite thin. A buyer recently said she thought I might have magically figured out a way to make them thicker and left a bad review, fully knowing that the envelopes she would receive would be thin. Another buyer bought a book that looked sort of, kind of like a book they wanted and then they were mad and left a bad review because it wasn't the one they actually wanted...even though the title and other details were clearly on display. Don't be like these customers.

 

2. Understand shipping 

You've placed your order and are eagerly awaiting its arrival . . . but your package doesn't arrive as quickly as you expected. Or it gets stuck in a shipping facility for days on end. Or there's a natural disaster that disrupts package and mail delivery. Or there's a mail services strike in your country.

 

Once your seller drops off the package, shipping is out of our hands. It is your sellers responsibility to: 

• Ship within a reasonable time frame
• Have shipping time frames noted in their Etsy listings/shops
• Submit a tracking number for all packages valued at over $10

It is NOT your seller's responsibility to make sure the mail or package carrier actually delivers within a certain time frame. Etsy gives you an *estimated* delivery window, but it's still in the hands of the carrier to actually deliver.

  

If you order an item on a Friday or Saturday or there's a holiday within a day or two of your order, give your seller an extra day or two for shipping to take into consider the weekend. We aren't Amazon. Most of us don't have the capacity to be shipping 24/7! 

 

Of course, if you item is delayed by the postal or other delivery service, it's perfectly OK to message the seller and ask about their policies. Some sellers may have policies listed related to extended delays. If not, ask. For polite customers and those that have reasonable expectations, I'm far more willing to make exceptions to my policies, including for shipping issues. 

 

3. Contact the shop owner before leaving a bad review

Before you leave a review of less than 5 stars, please reach out to the seller. Most of us want to make sure you're happy with your purchase. For the most part, my customers have been great and communicated well before, during, and after their purchases. However, a few have opted to leave a bad or subpar review, even acknowledging in private messages that they were at fault for not understanding a listing or expecting something other than what was advertised (see above!).

 

If you're an Etsy seller (or a seller on other platforms), what do you want your customers to know before they buy? What advice do you have for customers?

Check out my Etsy shops here:

 

Download-and-print coloring pages, stationer, self help tools,collage ephemera, and more at Marbles and Jam

Vintage goods, handmade stationery, crafting tools, and more at Shop the Junk Drawer

Networking for Introverts, Highly Sensitive People, and Others

A few months ago, I attended a networking event for female entrepreneurs in my area. It was great, but it was also exhausting!

 

As an entrepreneur, I run my own private tutoring and academic and career coaching business, in addition to two thriving Etsy shops. I also consider myself to be a shy, introverted, highly sensitive person.

 

Networking and meeting new people are all scary and feel exhausting before I even take part in them! The same is true for many introverts, shy people, and highly sensitive people.

 

If you find networking difficult -- even if you aren't an introvert, shy, or sensitive -- here are a few ways I've made it easier for myself: 

 

DECIDE IF IT'S A GOOD FIT

First, I analyze if the networking event is a good fit for me. I assess what I hope to get out of the experience, what I have to share with others, who is expected to attend, the type of event, and more. If I don't think I'll get anything out of it and that I won't be able to bring anything of value, then I likely won't go. If the event will be huge, I won't go. If it's formal, I won't go.

DO SOME BACKGROUND WORK

If you have access to the list of attendees, take some time look up several on LinkedIn, social media, or their websites. Choose a few that you would like to connect with and send them a quick message. Briefly introduce yourself, tell them you'll be at the event, and that you look forward to meeting them. This will prime them to be on the lookout for you. You'll have made connections before the event even begins! I don't know about you, but having a connection beforehand helps to break down barriers the day of the event.

CHALLENGE YOURSELF TO CONNECT DURING THE EVENT

After I've decided that the event is right for me and I've made some connections ahead of time, I challenge myself to talk to three people during the event. I like to ask them questions about what they do. Getting others to talk about themselves and what they do is a great way to drive a conversation without having to do much work. Some of the questions I like to ask include:

• What problems do you solve in your work?
• What was your best client experience?
• What was your worst client experience? Did it change how you do business?
• What is the most misunderstood aspect of what you do?
• What are your goals for the next several months?
• What is the biggest lesson you've learned in your field and how do you apply it day to day?
  

GIVE YOURSELF AN OUT

I like to make sure I have an out, just in case the event isn't what I had hoped, if I feel overwhelmed, or if I feel my social gas tank hitting empty. In truth, I've gotten comfortable just saying, "This has been so great, but I need to get going. I have some things to take care of at home. Should we exchange business cards?" Most of the time, this is a pretty good path to the door. 

CIRCLE BACK AFTER THE EVENT

After the event, go back through the business cards or contact information you gathered, or go back to contacts you made before the event, and touch base with a few people. Just send a quick message on LinkedIn or by email and let them know you enjoyed meeting them and hope to see them at future events. If you have reasons to get in touch in the future, let them know that they may be hearing from you again and that you look forward to working with them.  

UNDERSTAND THAT IT MAY ALWAYS BE OVERWHELMING

Some aspects of networking may always be overwhelming though and it's OK to give yourself an out so that you can leave events early! It's also OK to say no and to be selective about networking opportunities. I've opted not to attend several this past month, but I have been in touch with a few people from the event a few months ago through LinkedIn and Instagram.

 

What have your networking experiences been like? What has gone well and what hasn't? Drop a comment and let me know!

Find me on Etsy -- Shop The Junk Drawer for vintage, handmade, craft supplies, and more!

Find me on Etsy: Shop at Marbles and Jam for download-and-print coloring pages, stationery, ephemera and more!

25 Things To Do When You Don't Want To Do Anything

I am having a day. A boring, no motivation kind of day. Maybe you are too! If you're at all like me, you might also have some messes here and there around the house. Or maybe you haven't been taking the best care of yourself. Or maybe you've been neglecting your personal interests and hobbies. 

 

Here are 25 tasks for when you need to do something but have no interest in doing anything:

1. Wash five dishes

2. Fold and PUT AWAY five pieces of laundry

3. Set a timer for 10 minutes and speed tidy your living room

4. Sort and deal with a stack of mail

5. Clean a window

 

6. Clean and vacuum under the couch cushions

7. Clean, tidy, and de-clutter your fireplace mantel or a shelf

8. Do a quick walk through of shared spaces and pick up trash and recycling -- then dispose of them properly!

9. Drink a glass of water

10. Take 10 deep, slow breaths and stretch your arms out and open as widely as you can with each breath

 

11. Tidy your wallet or purse

12. Tidy around your home's entry

13. If you carry a medical or allergy kit, make sure it's up to date

14. Read two pages of a book

15. Eat some fruit or veggies

 

16. Sit on the floor and stretch for ten minutes

17. Grab a piece of paper and a pen and doodle for five minutes with no particular goal or ideas in mind -- just scribble if that's all that makes sense in the moment!

18. Clean a toilet or sink

19. Do a face mask or other easy beauty treatment

20. Floss your teeth (brush them too if you haven't yet today!)

 

21. Unsubscribe from five email lists

22. Delete 10 terrible photos from your phone

23. Delete two unused apps from your phone

24. Clean out the center console of your car

25. Make yourself a cup of your favorite coffee or tea and close your eyes and savor it

When life is crushing us and beating us down, it can feel impossible to do anything. I find that breaking my day down into micro-tasks like those listed above can make a difference. I like to keep track of what I'm getting done over the course of these "I don't want to do anything" days as it helps me to see that I am actually capable of doing a lot and of taking control of my life.

What are your go-to tasks for when you don't want to do anything?

 

Hop aboard the hot mess express!

I love it when I have my life in order.

When my house is clean...
My laundry is on point..
The dishes are done.

Add in time to light a favorite candle and relax in an atmosphere of calm and order and you're speaking my love language.

What I don't love is that those put together moments of downtime and calm are are few and far between. And, I hate having to admit to myself that such a lifestyle isn't my reality right now.

My family just finished a season of youth soccer with not one, but two kids playing on separate teams. The season started before school even began this year. What did that mean for me as a mom? Four practices per week and two games per weekend. Once school began? Well, add in homework and other school-related activities and extra-curriculars for my kids, plus a class I'm attending every Thursday, and all of the other normal day-to-day stuff that makes up family life -- all that stuff that doesn't stop or even go on pause, no matter how desperately you may want it to.

I have to take a moment here to say, thank goodness for my husband! Not only is a great dad in his own right, but he also volunteers as coach to one of my kids' soccer teams. I think he's a keeper!

Finally, soccer season came to an end and I could relish in the calm, right?

Wrong!

Nope. We had one real week of what I consider "normal" life with zero practices. Zero games. Zero extra-curricular activities. Glorious, right?

Well, it was...briefly.

After this one week of calm, my husband left for a much deserved hunting trip out of state and I was home alone with the kids. You'd think by now, I'd have it dialed in as a mom? Right?

Nope. Again, wrong.

During the week without my husband, let's just say my parenting and being a responsible adult human skills all left a bit to be desired...

Life wasn't giving me a break and I still had normal life, a house, laundry and dishes, a dog and two cats, and two kids to take care of. Not to mention, my job as a teacher which actually takes a lot of time outside the classroom too.

I'm a planner though and love a good to do list and schedule. 

I started out strong. I washed clothes and towels as we used them, prepared semi-balanced meals, and gave tons of snuggles while reading with my kids before bedtime. Fast forward to day five...

I was on the struggle bus as a mom, and the kids may have been veering towards feral. One night was "snack night" for dinner and the next night was popcorn and chips. And, don't tell my husband, but I may have let the kids have soda too. Parenting without your partner counts as a special occasion, right?

Right?

I'm going to pretend that I didn't see my daughter pack up a bag of Halloween candy and haul it off to her room. And, I'm going to pretend that when she returned, chewing something, and I asked if she had breakfast, she said, "Yes" and I didn't even argue. A Snickers bar and mini-pack of Whoppers has some nutrition in it.

Right? Some?

I let the kids watch too much television while I zoned out on my phone. I ignored crumbs on the coffee table and let our giant of a dog take over as a four legged vacuum. I drank my weight in coffee and probably gave myself and ulcer in the process.

That said...

I wasn't totally unproductive or completely oblivious. 

I did purge four big bags of junk from my daughter's bedroom and threw away a disgustingly dirty rug. Yet, I still gave up mid-project in almost every room I entered despite my best intentions, and I went to bed with clean laundry covering the couch.

But, by Saturday night, I was tired and let my 8 year old stay up late so long as he put himself to bed while I lay on my own bed watching something cringe-worthy on TV. By this point, I was starting to feel like a pretty bad mom. I hadn't fed my kids a truly nutritious meal in several days. I gave up on reading to and with them a few days into our week without their dad, and I chose to accept it when they said they'd done responsible things on their own.

I had been counting down the days until my husband would be home, and after a night of extreme mom guilt, I got up, made a cup of coffee, and snuggled with my children on the couch. 

I felt so bad that I even apologized, saying, "I'm sorry I didn't make many good dinners this week and let you watch too much TV. I'm definitely not winning the mom award this week. 

Without missing a beat, my kids replied, "Mom, this was the best week! It was so fun and special! I hope we can have snack for dinner again! You're the best mom!"

WOW!

That stopped me in my tracks! 

While I'd been feeling like a complete failure as a mom, my kids thought I was rocking the whole mom thing. 

While I was feeling guilty over poor meal choices and not enforcing boundaries, my kids thought I was giving them special treats and allowing them extra fun!

It was a good reminder that my kids don't need a "perfect" mom and really just want me to be with them and share some fun, love, and laughter. 

On reflection, that's exactly what I gave them. We did snuggle and hang out together. WE laughed a lot. We jumped in leaves. We had a persimmon stand (think lemonade stand but with persimmons!). We swaddled our kittens, ate tons of popcorn, and walked our enormous dog. We were together, and that's what mattered most. 

Moms (and dads and guardians), let's remember that when we are in "hot mess" mode, we are still rocking for our kids. They have no idea that we look or feel like a disaster. They don't care if laundry and dishes pile up. The only care that we are together, making memories, being ourselves, and enjoying our time together.

So, tonight, I'm going to bed and giving myself a little more grace. My husband is home now and our family feels complete again, but I'll never forget the memories made during this past week. I was enough for my kids, even if I wasn't enough for myself.

Moms, dads, and guardians, give yourselves a break too. Especially if you are going it alone without a partner. Remember that your kids really just want you to be with them and to be building memories together. they don't care if your house is a mess or what chores you failed to complete.

I'm going to leave the dishes for another day and just snuggle my little ones tonight and know that I am enough for now.

When was the last time you felt like a hot mess? How do you think your kids viewed you? Leave us a comment and let us know!

 

Three Ways to Manage Holiday (or any day) Stress

The holidays are fast approaching, and already I'm starting to feel holiday specific stress creep into my daily life.

How about you?

My to-do list is growing.
My budget is straining.
Old family tensions are, sadly, rearing their ugly heads.
Travel plans need to be finalized.
Gifts need to be bought.

I truly love winter and the associated holidays, but I also find this time of year to be trying and stressful. This year, I'm trying something new. I'm using three methods to help control my stress levels going into Thanksgiving and Christmas.

1. Hydrate, hydrate, hydrate
Lately, I've been tired. Exhausted even. And, the more tired I feel, the more stressed out I get. It occurred to me recently that I'm not drinking enough water. I pound back coffee all day, but hardly ever reach for a glass of H2O.

Last week, I started making it a point to begin my day with a tall glass of plain water, to have another at midday, and yet another while I'm preparing dinner. I may not necessarily hit the daily recommended 6 to 8 glass per day, but I'm getting a lot more than I had been.

And, I'm feeling a big difference! When I'm hydrated, I have more energy. When I have more energy, I can get more done. And, when I can get more done, I'm a lot less stressed!

2. Stretch!
Along with not being well hydrated, I've also felt tight in my shoulders and joints. That tightness gets worse as I get stressed out which in turn increases my stress and then increases the tightness. It's a vicious cycle.

So, after I drink my big glass of morning water, I stretch. I just do a few simple moves--reaching to the floor, stretching overhead, flexing my feet and hands, and stretching and rolling my neck. It takes hardly any time at all, and it makes me feel so much better!

A good stretch at bedtime--or when I feel stressed or tired--also helps me to sleep better, and sleep is essential!

3. Manage my sleep habits
You can't function well without enough sleep and lack of sleep directly impacts your stress levels! When I'm tired, I'm cranky. I'm stressed. I'm frazzled. Everything seems so much harder! I've been working on my sleep habits for a long time, and a few specific bedtime habits are starting to stick and I've noticed the payoffs with better quality, deeper sleep. That, in turn, has led to more energy and a better attitude during the day.

The biggest game changers for my sleep habits include:

• Using an eye mask
• Using light blocking curtains
• Putting my phone across the room
• Using an air filtration system next to my bed

The eye mask and light blocking curtains have helped to create a cocoon like feel in my bedroom and allow me to limit bits of light that I might not be fully aware of but that keep me from sleeping deeply regardless.

And, we all know what a sleep-drain having your phone near the bed can be!

The air filter provides both cleaner air and a steady, noise canceling hum.

These habits are particularly important for managing my stress during the holidays, but they also are useful all year long.

What habits help you to manage your holiday stress levels? Any tips you've found to be tried and true? Or, what have you tried that has been an utter failure?

Here are some of the products I like best for improving my hydration, for stretching, and for getting a better night's sleep:

If you buy the air filter, you can get replacement filters on a subscription basis from Amazon! It's so easy to just set up the subscription schedule and forget about it. No need to remember to replace the filters or put it on your calendar since they are delivered directly to your door on a schedule you choose. Because I have three dogs and a cat, I change my filters every other month, but if you have no pets, you could replace yours far less frequently.

This post includes affiliate links. Purchases made through these links may result in a small commission to us at no extra cost to you.

Parenting through grief

I recently wrote about life being overwhelming and how I'm coping. Today, things seem more dire than ever. As I write this, I'm sitting next to an extremely ill family member and preparing myself for the worst.

I've already ugly cried twice in the last few hours and probably will have several more ugly cries before the day (weekend, week) is out. 

I'm trying to take things one day at a time...one hour at a time...

I'm trying.

But, I also have a son to think about. Even though my son is 18, he's still my baby. His brain is still developing, and all of his hormones are still all over the place. Overall, he's a normal 18 year old in most regards.

I feel so lucky to have the son I have. 

Like any other 18 year old, he's forgetful. He's more into his MMOG--massively multiplayer online game--than chores. He'd rather talk about The Walking Dead or Breaking Bad than school or a job. He's concerned that his hair parts in the right spot and how he looks in his jeans.

He loves Campbell's Chunky Soup, Doritos, and Hot Pockets, but he'll eat fruit and veggies if I put them in front of him.

He loves our dogs and where we live. He loves his family and his friends. He's smart.

He doesn't party or sneak around. Other than forgetting his chores, he's super responsible and dependable.

I have a good kid. He's a good egg.

But, we are struggling with grief.  I started going to a therapist a few months ago to deal with my multiple responsibilities and a health issue of my own, but now it's time for my son to talk to a therapist too. We're both close to facing some major changes in our lives due to our family member's health crisis, even if that family member pulls through and comes home.

Which brings me to the point of this post...how do you parent through grief?

My natural inclination is to hole up, alone, at home, and to block out everyone and everything, but I'm a mom. I can't ignore life.

For now, I'm parenting through grief in the following ways:

1. Counseling
There is absolutely no shame in seeing a therapist, a shrink, a counselor--sometimes the pressure of what life brings is just too much to bear alone. I needed a safe, judgment free place to talk about what I'm going through and to get unbiased input in how to deal with it all. Sometimes just talking it out is enough, but at other times my therapist has given me exercises to work on or specific tasks to take care of. Even if the sessions are sometimes really hard, they always help.

I've been to counseling before, and if you are considering going, please know that sometimes the first few sessions make you feel worse before you feel better--keep going! Also, if you don't like the first person you see, try someone else. You need to have a good fit with your therapist in order for counseling to be effective.

If you don't have insurance or think you can't afford counseling, ask about sliding scales, fee forgiveness, and payment plans. Years ago, when I was in an abusive relationship and had virtually no disposable income, I was able to pay a mere $5 per session thanks to a sliding scale. Some churches and organizations even provide counseling for free.

2. Medication
Just as there is no shame in seeing a therapist, there is also no shame in taking an antidepressant or anti-anxiety medication. I was on antidepressants for two years when my son was a toddler. I was overwhelmed with a bad relationship, trying to be a good mom, and trying to finish my undergraduate education. I stayed on those meds until right before I left our abuser. I would not have gotten through that period of life without the support of medication, a primary care doctor that was incredibly supportive, and a good therapist.

Today, I saw my current primary care provider, a nurse practitioner, and got a prescription for an antidepressant. My emotions and thought processes are all over the place due to stress related to ill family members and emergencies, work, parenting, my financial situation, and more. I needed help...I'm hoping the medication will help smooth out the edges and reduce the emotional roller coaster of emotions to gentle speed bumps. I don't want to be numb to life, but I want to be clear enough to handle everything.

3. Friends and family
I am thankful that I have a strong network of friends and family--many friends who are so close that they are like family--and so does my ill relative. I was able to ugly cry in the arms of one friend and she and her husband were extremely helpful in facilitating a meeting with a doctor and to articulate my relative's wishes clearly when I was at a loss for words. They also have been wonderful at intercepting contact between other friends and concerned acquaintances in order to give me some space to focus on the situation at hand. 

We are lucky in that our friends and extended family are willing to pitch in and help with my son too. A neighbor can take him to the grocery store and already often brings him soup and other homemade treats that he loves--even when we don't have a crisis happening! Friends, neighbors, and relatives fill in the gaps.

4. Ugly cry
I cried in the shower last night, and I pulled over my car and ugly cried in a parking lot. Getting out those overwhelming emotions while alone allowed me to pull myself together to focus and get through the hours ahead before the next wave of emotions. 

5. Exercise and nutrition
I have to admit that I've had two very large coffees today and I have a Coca Cola in my bag as I type this. It was tempting to stop at McDonalds or to guy buy junk food, but I made a better choice and bought a small package of almonds and filled my water bottle with actual water. In an hour or so, I plan to go to the hospital cafeteria and get some fruit, veggies, and protein. 

And, this evening, and again tomorrow morning, I will take my son and our dogs for a long walk. Exercise, even just walking, gets the positive endorphins going. I don't expect exercise or nutrition to make me perky and happy--all sunshine and rainbows--but it will help give my son and I a little boost. Walks together also give us time to get out of the house and outside of our own heads. And, occasionally, a walk opens up communication and we talk about deeper topics and what's going on in each of our hearts.

I anticipate a long road ahead for both my son and I. And, I anticipate that life will get worse before it gets better. Grief is a process though and even after all the unknowns around our family member's situation are resolved it could be a while before life goes back to normal.

If you are facing similar challenges, remember to be kind to yourself and focus on what you can control. Eat well, exercise even if only a short walk, and lean into your friends and support network. Go to counseling. Talk to your primary care doctor about what's going in your life. Consider medication--but only if you know you can take it safely and carefully.

And, if you are so overwhelmed that you are having dark or dangerous thoughts, get help immediately. Call your doctor's office. If you are thinking of hurting yourself or others, go to the Emergency Department for immediate help or call a suicide prevention hotline at 1-800-273-8255. 

Take care of yourself so that you are able to take care of your family. Sometimes, it's ok to put yourself first. 

And, if you have any good tips on coping with grief while parenting, please leave a comment.

What do you do when life is completely overwhelming?

Just as McKenzie and I were starting to get back into the swing of things with Mom2MomEd, I got blindsided by one emergency and then another. And, that's after finally fully recovering from my own health crisis. 

I'm not ready to dive into details about the family emergencies, but I do want to talk about how I'm handling life right now.

It hasn't been particularly pretty...

After returning home from an out-of-state emergency, I hardly slept at all and had to work three 12-hour shifts. And, of course, my dogs were freaking out after not having me at home for several days, and I'm sure they picked up on my stress and exhaustion which only made them freak out more.

Then, I slept for almost three days straight through, only waking to use the bathroom, occasionally eat, and to take my dogs out to do their business.

And, my son has been picking up on my stress too and kind of acting more teenagery than usual (he's 18).

I had a brief moment of energy Tuesday and started to deep clean my kitchen and then went right back to bed, despite my best intentions to deep clean the bathroom and more of the kitchen.

Today is Wednesday, and I slept most of today too. I finally got up and started to get some stuff done in the mid-afternoon. I cleaned up a little bit of my living room, but wasn't able to get much done before a crisis erupted, requiring my immediate attention.

I. AM. EXHAUSTED. 
I. AM. FRIED.
I. AM. OVER. IT!

I've not been handling overwhelm very well lately, even with the help of counseling. I started going to counseling a couple of months ago, and it was helping a lot until the past couple of weeks. It feels like one problem just gets resolved and replaced with a bigger problem, and the bigger problems seem to be ones over which I have very little control.

And, when things start going wrong, my control freak comes out larger than life on the areas of life that I can control!

I just spent the last 20 minutes creating a medication schedule for a relative, organizing a meeting with several people involved in the second crisis, and making plans to organize several other things.

My already freakishly organized and color coded calendar is now in overdrive.
My son and I are working out a chores calendar.
I'm planning every freaking day of my summer as much as I can.

Tomorrow I have an appointment with my therapist and to take my car in for service. I also plan to talk to a friend that needs to be looped in about crisis number two, and I need to make two doctor's appointments for myself.  I also have a ton of research to do regarding crisis number two.

So what do I do when life gets completely overwhelming? I let my inner mama bear come roaring out. She is a planner, a doer, a protector, a make-things-happen-in-the-face-of-the-impossible kind of woman. But, she also can tire herself out easily.

I'm hoping to get help from a group of friends and the local medical community, possibly also from a local charity that deals with crisis number two (sorry to be vague). 

If there's one thing I know, it's that you can't handle every crisis alone, and I've got more than one going on at a time. 

I need help.

Everyone needs help at one time or another.

How do you handle it when life completely overwhelms you?

If you are feeling overwhelmed too, know that you aren't alone. Check out these other posts about how McKenzie and I deal with the various stresses in life:

And, of course, check out our Etsy shop for printable lunchbox notes, meal planning sheets, and more: