Summer is winding down (schools seem to go back earlier every year in California) and I’m stuck in the middle of this personal tug of war that I just can’t shake.
My son graduated preschool this past spring and is now entering the brave new world of kindergarten. You can read about my frustrations with enrollment HERE and my updated news HERE. Well even since my last post (my son ended up getting into a school that we thought we would be very happy with) we’ve had some even better news!
Our son not only got into the California Montessori project, but he also got into our campus of choice!
We once again have shifted gears and are now all settled into our new school plan and gearing up for a fun year.
I thought...
I’m actually freaking out.
This time it’s because my little guy is off to kindergarten AND it’s a full day. That means the little person that I spend all of my time with won’t be here at home with me during the days. He’s my sidekick, my bud, my helper, my other set of eyes/ears/hands when my daughter is terrorizing the house.
(Read about how I am parenting a spirited child HERE)
I can’t even put into words how much I’m going to miss Hank during the day. It’s definitely going to take some adjusting (mainly for me), but I know we will get into a new groove and this will just feel normal in no time.
Here’s the tug of war…..
I’m ready to lose it! End of summer is here, my house is trashed, I’ve exhausted all of my Pinterest perfect mommy moments, and we’re heading into survival mode. I’ve sat down for an entire 2 seconds in the past three months and I’m tired.
But, I feel guilty for feeling that way. I love being with my kids, but I also am ready to get some structure, some routine, some sanitation at my house. We all could use some space from each other too. The kids are starting to fight more, and quite frankly I’m not putting my best foot forward any longer.
Why is it that mom’s always feel guilty for taking time for themselves or wishing they had some time to be alone?
Isn’t that healthy?
We should be doing that...I just need to keep reminding myself that this is a positive transition, he’s in our TOP school of choice, and he’s going to LOVE it!
Since I’ve exhausted all of my creative ideas and crafts this summer, we’ve been cutting paper, making origami, chasing our chickens, urban hiking, making homemade pizza, having at home treasure hunts and making treasure maps.
Guess what???
My kids have had the best week and have had so much fun!
Neither one of them know that I’ve been barely holding it together, don’t have any energy to entertain them, and am on the edge because our house has been literally trashed. They just know that we’re all together, having fun, and laughing.
I’ve also had some good reminders this week to slow down and take it all in.
My son informed me this week that I’ve only ever played with him ONE time and that was the only time I stopped cleaning. My daughter told me I used a “mean” voice and it scared her dolls. And, I snapped at my husband too many times.
I’m sure there are plenty more offenses, but I’d like to keep my pride somewhat intact.
I can’t be the only parent going through the end of summer blues (I just made that up, but it’s really a thing). Part of me is sad that summer is ending and the other part of me is happy that we get to have a new adventure as a family.
I've enjoyed every phase my kids have had. I always say that I think it just keeps getting better...and it does! I’m sure this is one of those phases that will get better too, and once we adjust and adapt it, will feel like it’s always been that way.
Change is scary and I’m not particularly good with it. I’m going to put my best brave face on though and walk through this next door and greet it with a smile.
Besides I’m going to need to rest up for next summer!
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