Keep those kids reading this summer -- Summer engagement series, Part II

As we discussed yesterday, the last few months of the 2019-2020 school year were really rough for students, parents, and teachers alike. For many, it was also a dramatic and traumatic sudden shift that has left kids feeling nervous, fearful, and so on about school and the state of the world. 

At the end of a NORMAL school year, I would be offering you suggestions on the best workbooks, reading programs, math websites, and so on to keep the kids engaged over the course of summer. This year, however, I want to focus a lot less on active learning and lessons and more on passive learning with fun and relaxation.

Unless your child struggles with significant delays that need to be dealt with over the summer, I do think it's ok to skip workbooks and structured programs for pretty much every academic subject this time around.

But, the title of this post is all about keeping your kids reading this summer, right?

Right. 

But throw away the book logs unless YOUR KIDS want to take part in reading programs offered at the library or bookshop or other places. Throw away formal reading instruction unless your child truly needs it to deal with known reading issues that need to be addressed. 

Instead, let's focus on making reading fun and relaxing. Further down in this post, I'll link you to several of our past posts related to reading, but first, I want to share some ideas to make it more fun and enjoyable for you and the kids:

Let your kids build a fort in the backyard, on the patio, or even inside. Give them flashlights or a battery powered lantern or a small lamp to take into the fort along with a big stack of books. Consider sitting down and selecting the books together or just plop a bunch of books in a basket or bin and stick them in the fort. Turn on some soft music in the background, add some pillows and blankets to the fort, and read together. 

Have a reading focused picnic. Lay out a blanket or beach towels in the backyard, put out some trays of snacks and drinks, and add a bunch of books. Have the whole family lay or sit down to read outside with a picnic. 

If you have pets, grab some books and have everyone take some time to read to the family dog or cat or bunny or lizard or turtle. Encourage using different or even silly voices for the characters in the book -- does the family dog prefer one voice over another? 

Take a few minutes to clean out the toys and other kid junk from your car and pop in some books instead. Change out the books regularly and ask your kids to read to you or to each other while you drive (don't force them though...if they don't feel like reading in the car, that's cool!). You don't even need to mention the books to the kids -- if the books stay in there, the kids will likely eventually start reading them on their own. Just make sure you change out the books periodically to keep the selection interesting.

Put books in the bathroom, especially if you are potty training. We kept a basket of books by the toilet and my son spent a lot of time reading in there during potty training and beyond! Even today, at 21, he still reads a lot on the toilet! As a toddler, he looked at picture books. In elementary school, he had some chapter books that we'd rotate through the bathroom, and as he got older, he progressed to novels and history books. Just as with the car, you don't even necessarily need to say anything. Eventually, your child will likely notice the books and just pick them up and read them without any prompting from you. Again, change out the books regularly.

If you go to Costco or Sam's Club, put your kids in the cart seat and swing by the books section first. Tell your kids that they only get to look at the book while you are in the store and then you'll be returning it to the books section before you check out (and, then surprise them by buying the book if you wish!). It took us a few times before my son was OK with leaving the book behind, but it also started being one of his favorite parts of our Costco trips! He read and stayed entertained while I got the shopping done. 

Take turns choosing a book to read aloud during dinner or over dessert -- my son and I used to read poetry aloud while eating dinner and/or dessert. This was a great tradition when we lived with my mom for a few years. We each took turns reading aloud and talking about the poems. It kept us together at the table longer and gave us something to bond over. 

And, this is not the time to do tons of correction -- if your child misses a word here and there, it's OK. It's actually very normal (it's when they are skipping numerous words on a regular basis that you should begin to worry). It's also normal to occasionally mispronounce a word, and again, unless it's really egregious or happening all the time, you don't need to intervene much (or at all). 

Carve out a space for a reading nook. Include books, pillows and blankets that stay in that corner just for reading, maybe a refillable water bottle to sip from while reading, and a soft lamp for ample light. I have a special spot in my living room that is just for reading and my son and I both have grown to love it. Consider making a special spot for your own reading, but include some kids books and special pillows and blankets for your kids in the same spot so they'll be inclined to join you. 

Let summer reading this year be simply about enjoying the act of reading, especially if you read together. Simply having books available and around the house is one of the most important things you can do to get your child reading. Don't just keep them on shelves. Put a stack on an ottoman or end table or even the floor near where your kids play. Put a few books in each bathroom. Put some books on the dining table. Exposure to books and seeing them out will go a long way towards getting your kids to pick them up and read them without being prompted. 

And, make sure your kids see YOU reading. This has long been known to be predictive of whether or not kids read. If they see their parents or important adults in their lives reading, they are far more likely to read as well. 

As promised, here are several of our past reading-focused posts for even more tips and encouragement:

All of our reading posts are HERE.

But, I particularly like these posts:

• You, your child, and poetry read alouds
• Thoughts and tips on building a family of readers
• Alphabet scavenger hunt
• 5 ways to encourage your child to read
• 5 (more) ways to encourage your child to read

And, finally, while I'd love to say you should definitely promote and encourage reading this summer, I also think that this summer in particular should be a lot more focused on recovering from the traumatic and chaotic last few months of the 2019-2020 school year. This summer should include plenty of down time for you and your children with a lot less concern about learning.

~*~*~*~

Check out the rest of our Summer Engagement Series:

• Preview: Summer engagement -- how to keep your kids learning all summer (Read it HERE)
• Part I: Is summer "brain drain" real and where do we go from here? (Read it HERE)
• Part III: Bolstering math skills over summer (read it HERE)
• Part IV: Learning through play (read it HERE)
  

Is summer brain drain real and where do we go from here? -- Summer Engagement Series, Part I

Phew! It's June, and you and your family made it through the end of what turned out to be a very chaotic school year!

We've been hearing from many parents -- from those at the school where McKenzie teaches, from parents online, from my private tutoring students' parents, and from our friends who have school aged children -- that the last few months of the 2019-2020 school year were....

Um...

Not great.

While some students managed OK, many others did not. 
While some parents managed OK, many others did not.
While some teachers managed OK, many others did not.

Rather than re-hashing how the year ended for so many, we are going to address where to go from here -- at least when it comes to the summer months, before the 2020-2021 school year starts. 

Normally we'd be talking about how to keep skills sharp over the course of summer, suggesting activities, workbooks, and so on -- and we'll do some of that in later posts, but not necessarily the way we would have before the pandemic.

But, we also need to talk about "summer brain drain" for a moment -- what is it, is it actually real, and should it be a concern this particular summer?

First, if you haven't heard the term before, "summer brain drain" refers to a backwards slide in academic gains. In general, it appears that students -- on average -- lose one month's worth of academic achievement over the course of summer. Students of lower socioeconomic status may be more prone to these losses for a variety of reasons, though. There seem to be variations in what type of learned material is forgotten over the course of summer and by what student populations, but it is clear that, YES, this is a real phenomenon. 

But, how much does it matter? Should you do anything to stop it? Should this summer be different?

Frankly, after years and years of private tutoring, academic coaching, and teaching, I'm inclined to say, eh, don't worry about it too much...

ESPECIALLY this summer.

Most teachers spend at least a little bit of time at the start of every school year doing some review and assessment to make up for summer academic losses. And, several sources are indicating that the vast majority of students didn't learn much of anything these past few months -- it wasn't so much online school or distance education as it was survival schooling. For many teachers and administrators, the last few months were less about teaching and learning and much more about just getting through the school year by any means possible in order to meet state and local minimum legal requirements for the school year (without meeting certain requirements, schools risk losing funding, accreditation, and so on, even during a pandemic).

Teachers, school administrators, and others in education are well aware that the last few months were an utter mess and that your kids likely didn't get much out of the experience other than a whole lot of stress. I think that will be taken into consideration by most schools in the fall (we'll talk about this later in this series).

Unless your child was already dealing with significant delays academically, I don't think you need to have a well planned or particularly rigorous summer academic program. I'm not saying don't do anything at all academically this summer, just that it may not need to be workbooks and academically obvious work. 

This summer, in particular, I think all of us -- kids, teachers, and parents alike -- really need a break and time to decompress so that we can face the coming school year with clearer minds rather than going from one super stressful situation to more stress over summer and then straight into a new school year -- a new school year that most of us can't even grasp yet in terms of structure, procedures, and so on. 

I would like you to take a page from the homeschooling world instead of worrying about what workbooks you should be buying or what activities you should be signing your kids up for. 

In the homeschooling world there is a process called "de-schooling" which applies to kids who were in regular schools and then pulled out to homeschool. They almost all need an adjustment period to unlearn regular school routines, to shed normal school stresses and worries, and to get into a new routine and new normal. In general, it is recommended that your child have one full month off of official academic/school activities for every full year of public/private school they experienced. I started homeschooling my son in fourth grade, so that would mean four months without a robust academic program. 

Now, don't freak out! I'm not saying you should take months and months off and that you should do NOTHING.

Instead, take a moment to breath and just enjoy being a family without Zoom classes, homework packets and assignments, virtual group projects, parents facilitating online school, and so on. JUST STOP for a week or two or three. If you want to take most of the summer totally off from anything that even looks academic, do it. Most of us didn't get much of a break between schools closing and everything going online and none of us really had a transition period to go from regular school to online -- it was simply from one to the other without any buffer in between. Most of us don't do well with that, do we? Even as adults, we struggle with such abruptness, so just imagine how hard it was for your kids.

We've ALL been under pretty much constant stress since early March -- for some even earlier, for a few a bit later. It's OK to take a break.

There are definitely ways to engage your kids in learning all summer WITHOUT being all academic and workbooky about it. 

Right now, I want you to just go and give your kids a hug, tell them you love them, and tell them that you are proud of them for making it through a totally nutty, upside down last few months. And, when you hug them, don't let go first -- let your kids dictate how long the hug should last (read more about my hugging philosophy HERE).

Tomorrow, I'll be sharing ideas on how to keep your kids reading without making it an academic exercise.

You can read more about summer brain drain HERE.

Read our previous post in this series:
PREVIEW: Summer engagement -- how to keep your kids learning all summer

And, come back for these upcoming posts:
Part II: Keep those kids reading this summer (read it HERE)
Part III: Bolstering math skills over summer (read it HERE)
Part IV: Learning through play (read it HERE)

PREVIEW: Summer engagement -- how to keep your kids learning all summer

As I write this, in the middle of June, we are still in the midst of a pandemic and no one knows what school will look like come fall and many parents may be wondering how to keep their kids engaged and learning this summer. 

In this four part series, I'll share the following topics:

Part I: Is summer "brain drain" real and where do we go from here? (Read it HERE)
Part II: Keep those kids reading this summer (Read it HERE)
Part III: Bolstering math skills over summer (Read it HERE)
Part IV: Learning through play (Read it HERE)

Part I will be live on Monday, June 22. See you then!

I'd love to know your concerns for your kids' educations -- what worries do you have about the way the 2019-2020 school year came to an end? What concerns do you have about the school year to come? Please drop a comment and let us know so we can help!

A Note From a Teacher

So much is going on in the world right now! And it's difficult for all of us -- adults and kids alike -- to make sense of it.

Schools are closed.
Businesses are closing.
Groceries have empty shelves and limited hours.
We are being asked to stay in our homes

This is bringing on a new role for parents that they have not been tasked with before. Not only are many families home together rather unexpectedly, but parents are feeling the pressure to not just parent, but also to take on the role of teacher, many of whom never planned to nor wanted to homeschool their kids. 

This can be incredibly scary, intimidating, and just overwhelming, to say the least.

As an elementary school teacher, let me tell you this: just maintaining a loving, supportive, and safe environment is enough right now. 

If you hug your child and reassure them, then you did enough. If you play a board game and let them help make a snack, you did enough. If you are stressed and overwhelmed and needed a break and to take a moment for yourself, you did enough.

You are enough for your children. 

I know many teachers (myself included) have sent home packets, resources, and emails to parents about what they can do to support student learning. Trust me when I say, we don't expect you to replace us during this time. We don't expect you to have amazing lesson plans, perfectly executed spelling tests, or even to have any clue as to what you should be doing. 

We send materials and emails to support you, to help with the unexpected down time we all now have, to keep some normalcy in an incredibly uncertain situation, and to help you and your children as best we can.

I have been sharing with the families in my class that I don't expect them to be teaching their children during this time. While I hope that my students will continue some learning, I don't expect that they will complete every worksheet in the packets they were given.

As a teacher of younger kids, I would like you to view this is an opportunity for your children to learn outside of academia. It's a chance for them to pitch in, learn new skills, and participate in the family unit a little more.

Learning happens in a million different ways, not just at school or through carefully crafted lessons. We know you are stressed and worried, wondering how to juggle having your kids at home, working from home, and everything else. And, we would love to help you with all of that, but rest assured, that sometimes it is OK to take a deep breath, expect things to be less than perfect, and to set aside structured academics for less structured family experiences. Your kids will learn a number of skills and tools through non-academics without them (or you) realizing it.

At my house, last night we played the board game CLUE and built critical thinking skills. Tonight, we planted some seeds and labeled them for our garden (science!). Last weekend, everyone in the family folded their own laundry and then pitched in to clean the living room (home economics and life skills!). Tomorrow, we will do some math practice (from the packets sent home by my children's teachers), and then we'll take a break to work in our garden.

I'm confident that building in everyday activities, you will also manage to building "lessons" into everyday life without thinking about it. And, that will be enough for your kids right now. Will I plan some structured academic time into our day? Sure. But, if it doesn't happen one day are my kids going to fail and end up struggling for the rest of their lives? Not a chance.

These circumstances are ones that we've never been faced with or even considered in our lifetimes. No one knows exactly what to do. As a teacher, some my best lessons have come from the unexpected and required improvisation in the moment. I've stopped my entire class so that my students could watch a butterfly fly by, to have an unexpected dance party, to all give a hug to friend, and for a million other moments that have come up unexpectedly. You can do that too. Just like teachers, you have to follow the lead of your child (to a degree -- you are still the adult, after all). 

No one learns when they are hungry, scared, or uncertain.

It's ok to get back to the basics and to tie learning into life experiences. Or if you're having a day like I did today, scrap your best laid plans, embrace the chaos, and start over tomorrow. 

I promise you this: you are enough and can provide the solid, loving foundation your children need in these uncertain times. 

Give yourselves a break, don't expect perfection, and we'll be back with some tips on how to make this all more manageable.

Leave us a comment and let us know:
What is working well in your household right now?
What are you or your children struggling with?
What do you wish your children's teachers knew about how school-at-home is affecting your kids?

Ok, class, {{{{GROUP HUG}}}}}!

3 Tips to Survive Camping with Kids

Many parents have mixed feelings about camping with children (especially small ones), and I get it! Before I had children of my own, I was a self-proclaimed parenting expert. I know there are several of you out there who were the same!

I was sure I would not let children change my life or impact the activities that I enjoyed in any way. I thought that it was silly when parents stayed home because of their children or gave up activities just because they now had littles running around and ruining all of the fun.

How hard could parenting be, right?

In our single days and our pre-children married days, my husband and I spent a lot of time camping -- not even glamorous camping. Rather, we liked the kind where you drive up in the middle of the night, throw your tent up, chug a few beers, and eat something from a can. We'd then get up, hike around, and hit the road again. Sometimes, we'd actually plan and pack "real" food and decide where we were going before it got dark. Other times, we were more spontaneous and just pitched our tent to break up a long road trip (another pre-kid favorite activity!).

Somewhere along way, we acquired a ridiculously large and obnoxious RV. We drove that thing everywhere, including around town just for the fun of it! We broke down several times, blew a tire or two, and maybe extinguished a small engine fire. Nothing stopped us, not even when we found out I was pregnant.

If anything we camped even more. However...

When our son was born we definitely became those boring, do nothing, stay at home parents pretty quickly. I was a nervous first time mom and was very strict with our nap, play, feeding routine.  Camping with kids didn't happen for a couple of years.

Fast forward 24 months. Our daughter was born and I started to get antsy.

We needed to get out of the house (and town!).

Our son loved the outdoors as much as mom and dad, despite his limited life experience to that point. So, we decided to head out of town. As luck would have it, the gigantic RV had met it's fate, and so we were only equipped with a tent and some cots. Our daughter was a preemie and slept 23 hours a day for her first few months, so I figured she could just come along and sleep the weekend away. We packed the house into our small SUV and hit the road with our (gigantic) dog. We had a lovely afternoon. We hiked, cooked, made s'mores, and just enjoyed the fresh air.

It was pretty idyllic!

Bedtime rolled around and we all snuggled into the tent to turn in for the night. Our tiny daughter slept soundly in a Pack-and-Play (portable crib) and our son loved being in a sleeping bag next to mom and dad. We were set for the night!

After sleeping for two hours we woke up to a family of 500 setting up their camp at MIDNIGHT directly across from us! They proceeded to scream, play games, and party for several more hours. We asked them to keep it down and they declined our request. Finally, around 3am, they seemed to be down for the night. Great! Only a few minutes later, the loudest storm rolled in and the sky opened up with pouring rain and thunder.

It was so loud in our tent! Our son was horrified (maybe a little terrified), but our tiny daughter never woke up despite all of the chaos! We didn't sleep a wink after that. Pouring down rain on a tent is about as loud rocks on a roof! It may be the loudest sound ever. Around 5am we decided to call the trip done and ran from the tent to our car, balled everything up as best we could, and headed home.

It took us several years to try family camping again, but we finally did and it's one of our favorite family past-times!

Here are 3 things that have made our life a little easier on the road and in the wild:

PACK WITH CARE
1.  Don't try to pack up the entire house, but don't pack too lightly either. Kids don't rough it as well as adults. While we don't usually take any technology with us, we don't disallow toys or other items that will entertain the kids. There is nothing worse on a camping trip than finally sitting down at the camp fire and your kid is begging you to entertain them (thunder and rain and huge partying families aside). We keep a little box of games, cards, and coloring items in our camper (a great compromise between a huge RV and a tent) so the items feel new and special when we go on a trip. We also have a Yahtzee game that is only for camping and we all look forward to playing it. We also don't fight the kids when they just want to hang out in the camper instead of exploring. It keeps them busy, it's something special, and it gives us some quiet time to ourselves.

EVERYBODY POOPS -- HAVE A BATHROOM PLAN!
2.  As soon as we get into the car, the tent or anywhere inconvenient, someone has to go to the bathroom. It's like a law or something. We do have a camper now, but we didn't for years. We decided to invest in a small portable toilet that we could easily keep in the tent for the late night potty needs and other times that there was no where else to go. While we didn't enjoy cleaning it out (it was a novelty at first and they both had to constantly use it because it was available), it saved us from wandering around the woods at night with two kids who had to pee but didn't want to go behind a tree. Not to mention it has saved me a time or two from having to leave our cozy tent in the freezing cold. I'll be honest, I can rough it like the best of them, but why do that when you don't have to? A bucket with a toilet seat on top also works as a makeshift toilet. This also makes it a lot easier to pack out what you pack in and leave the woods how you found them.

HAVE A DESTINATION OR ACTIVITY IN MIND
3.  Plan your trip around something that will be interesting to your children. I know adults have places they like to go, but if there isn't something to entertain your children, they are not going to enjoy the trip -- and neither will you. Both of our kids could go fishing for hours, so we look for campgrounds/sites that are near water with easy walking access. We also know that they will ride their bikes for hours if we go somewhere with paved paths. We always throw bikes and scooters in when packing up for a trip. We've found that if our kids have things to keep them engaged, they don't start fighting while camping.....which is a huge bonus in our books!

These may seem like simple tips, but they have saved our trips a few times over. We now successfully camp multiple times a year, and, while there may be hiccups now and then, we have a pretty good system in place. We especially love camping on the beach and catching our dinner for the night. We also have so many fond memories of camping at a special creek and watching our children spend the day fishing.

Wherever you end up going, I hope you make some special memories with your family. I know that your children will one day look back and cherish the memories you made with them.

Where are your favorite places to camp with kids? Do you have any essential items or tips that make your life easier? Drop a comment and let us know!

A Mom2MomEd Story: The day my son cut his own hair

For the record, the child pictured above is not my son...read onward...

If you are a parent, you have undoubtedly had that moment of realizing that the house is suddenly just a little too quiet for comfort.

Maybe the kids have discovered how absorbent toilet paper is and decided to experiment by stuffing as much of it in the toilet as possible and then flushing. Maybe they discovered a permanent marker and decided a few tattoos on themselves and on the nearest wall were in order.

Or...as happened with my son...your child found some scissors and decided to perform his or her own haircut. 

Let's face it -- if you are a parent, you've probably been there, done that with at least one child. Am I right???

So, let me tell you a story about the day my darling little boy (he's 21 now!) decided to trim his own hair.

When my son was born, we were extremely broke -- like one wrong thing and we'd be homeless if it weren't for the help of my parents level broke. As a result, I taught myself to do as many tasks as I could myself, including cutting our hair myself. As he grew older and more mobile, I became careful about putting scissors away as soon as I was done cutting his hair. 

Shortly after my son's third birthday, I trimmed his golden locks, preparing him to be the ring bearer in my sister's upcoming wedding. He was going to be so cute in his tiny tuxedo, Jerry Maguire glasses (remember that kid?), and golden curls! He was excited and so was I!

Fast forward an hour or so after the haircut and my realizing I hadn't heard a noise from my little guy in a while... Curious, I looked around the living room and didn't see him -- I'd left him playing with his Duplo blocks while I did some cooking and cleaning in the adjacent kitchen. But, the sliding glass door was open a crack (thankfully our yard was small and secure!).

I found my child on the patio, scissors in one hand, and a clump of hair in the other!

And, a big ol' bald spot smack in the middle of his hair at the top of his forehead. 

My child had not only cut off a big chunk of his own hair, but he'd done so in an area that would not only be impossible to hide with the rest of his hair due to the location, but it also was quite a large patch! And, he'd cut the hair so close to the skin that it looked like he'd stopped just short of scalping himself!

I didn't know if I should laugh or cry and I probably did a little of both. 

I ended up trimming his hair as much as I could. but because he'd cut so much and so closely to the skin, I didn't do a great job -- I didn't have the tools to deal with that effectively. So, his sweet, thick, soft, golden hair was gone. No more adorable curls framing his face. No more sweet bangs flopping down over his forehead. 

By the time we flew to California for my sister's wedding and the preceding wedding party events, my son's hair had not had time to grow back. So, my future brother-in-law took my little boy to a friend's barbershop and they returned to my sister's house with a well done haircut that looked...

Good...?

The new haircut was indeed well done and obviously the work of a professional barber, but my son's hair was so lightly golden and the haircut necessarily so close to the head due to the near scalping nature of my son's DIY attempt that my child looked bald.

Truly, if you weren't right next to him, you couldn't actually see his hair! 

Imagine if you will, a three year old of usually serious nature, large round glasses, button down shirts (his favorite at the time), and hair so light that he looked bald from a distance. Oh, and did I mention that his head was, um, large?

Now, imagine the same little boy in a tuxedo. His head looked even larger.

My son did a great job as the ring bearer at my sister's wedding, but throughout the reception, I continually had people coming up to me and asking questions like, "What kind does he have?" or "How is he handling treatment?" It took a minute for me to realize they thought he was bald due to chemotherapy and cancer!

YIKES!

But, my son made up for the seriousness of such questions by being a little bit of a comedian at the reception, climbing under the bridal party's table on the stage and sticking his head out from under the floor length table cloths and looking around -- his head looked disembodied and he was so stoic in his expression that the effect was hilarious! People noticed and he became even more serious and funny at the same time!

I wish I had pictures of my son's first (and only, thankfully) do-it-yourself haircut and the events that followed.I probably had at least a moment of being mad, but in hindsight, I'm so glad my son and I shared this experience! Photos would have been precious keepsakes, but I do have my memories. 

Tell us a story about your own kids giving themselves haircuts! What did they do and how did you handle it? 

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Hop aboard the hot mess express!

I love it when I have my life in order.

When my house is clean...
My laundry is on point..
The dishes are done.

Add in time to light a favorite candle and relax in an atmosphere of calm and order and you're speaking my love language.

What I don't love is that those put together moments of downtime and calm are are few and far between. And, I hate having to admit to myself that such a lifestyle isn't my reality right now.

My family just finished a season of youth soccer with not one, but two kids playing on separate teams. The season started before school even began this year. What did that mean for me as a mom? Four practices per week and two games per weekend. Once school began? Well, add in homework and other school-related activities and extra-curriculars for my kids, plus a class I'm attending every Thursday, and all of the other normal day-to-day stuff that makes up family life -- all that stuff that doesn't stop or even go on pause, no matter how desperately you may want it to.

I have to take a moment here to say, thank goodness for my husband! Not only is a great dad in his own right, but he also volunteers as coach to one of my kids' soccer teams. I think he's a keeper!

Finally, soccer season came to an end and I could relish in the calm, right?

Wrong!

Nope. We had one real week of what I consider "normal" life with zero practices. Zero games. Zero extra-curricular activities. Glorious, right?

Well, it was...briefly.

After this one week of calm, my husband left for a much deserved hunting trip out of state and I was home alone with the kids. You'd think by now, I'd have it dialed in as a mom? Right?

Nope. Again, wrong.

During the week without my husband, let's just say my parenting and being a responsible adult human skills all left a bit to be desired...

Life wasn't giving me a break and I still had normal life, a house, laundry and dishes, a dog and two cats, and two kids to take care of. Not to mention, my job as a teacher which actually takes a lot of time outside the classroom too.

I'm a planner though and love a good to do list and schedule. 

I started out strong. I washed clothes and towels as we used them, prepared semi-balanced meals, and gave tons of snuggles while reading with my kids before bedtime. Fast forward to day five...

I was on the struggle bus as a mom, and the kids may have been veering towards feral. One night was "snack night" for dinner and the next night was popcorn and chips. And, don't tell my husband, but I may have let the kids have soda too. Parenting without your partner counts as a special occasion, right?

Right?

I'm going to pretend that I didn't see my daughter pack up a bag of Halloween candy and haul it off to her room. And, I'm going to pretend that when she returned, chewing something, and I asked if she had breakfast, she said, "Yes" and I didn't even argue. A Snickers bar and mini-pack of Whoppers has some nutrition in it.

Right? Some?

I let the kids watch too much television while I zoned out on my phone. I ignored crumbs on the coffee table and let our giant of a dog take over as a four legged vacuum. I drank my weight in coffee and probably gave myself and ulcer in the process.

That said...

I wasn't totally unproductive or completely oblivious. 

I did purge four big bags of junk from my daughter's bedroom and threw away a disgustingly dirty rug. Yet, I still gave up mid-project in almost every room I entered despite my best intentions, and I went to bed with clean laundry covering the couch.

But, by Saturday night, I was tired and let my 8 year old stay up late so long as he put himself to bed while I lay on my own bed watching something cringe-worthy on TV. By this point, I was starting to feel like a pretty bad mom. I hadn't fed my kids a truly nutritious meal in several days. I gave up on reading to and with them a few days into our week without their dad, and I chose to accept it when they said they'd done responsible things on their own.

I had been counting down the days until my husband would be home, and after a night of extreme mom guilt, I got up, made a cup of coffee, and snuggled with my children on the couch. 

I felt so bad that I even apologized, saying, "I'm sorry I didn't make many good dinners this week and let you watch too much TV. I'm definitely not winning the mom award this week. 

Without missing a beat, my kids replied, "Mom, this was the best week! It was so fun and special! I hope we can have snack for dinner again! You're the best mom!"

WOW!

That stopped me in my tracks! 

While I'd been feeling like a complete failure as a mom, my kids thought I was rocking the whole mom thing. 

While I was feeling guilty over poor meal choices and not enforcing boundaries, my kids thought I was giving them special treats and allowing them extra fun!

It was a good reminder that my kids don't need a "perfect" mom and really just want me to be with them and share some fun, love, and laughter. 

On reflection, that's exactly what I gave them. We did snuggle and hang out together. WE laughed a lot. We jumped in leaves. We had a persimmon stand (think lemonade stand but with persimmons!). We swaddled our kittens, ate tons of popcorn, and walked our enormous dog. We were together, and that's what mattered most. 

Moms (and dads and guardians), let's remember that when we are in "hot mess" mode, we are still rocking for our kids. They have no idea that we look or feel like a disaster. They don't care if laundry and dishes pile up. The only care that we are together, making memories, being ourselves, and enjoying our time together.

So, tonight, I'm going to bed and giving myself a little more grace. My husband is home now and our family feels complete again, but I'll never forget the memories made during this past week. I was enough for my kids, even if I wasn't enough for myself.

Moms, dads, and guardians, give yourselves a break too. Especially if you are going it alone without a partner. Remember that your kids really just want you to be with them and to be building memories together. they don't care if your house is a mess or what chores you failed to complete.

I'm going to leave the dishes for another day and just snuggle my little ones tonight and know that I am enough for now.

When was the last time you felt like a hot mess? How do you think your kids viewed you? Leave us a comment and let us know!