A Mom2MomEd Story: The day my son cut his own hair

For the record, the child pictured above is not my son...read onward...

If you are a parent, you have undoubtedly had that moment of realizing that the house is suddenly just a little too quiet for comfort.

Maybe the kids have discovered how absorbent toilet paper is and decided to experiment by stuffing as much of it in the toilet as possible and then flushing. Maybe they discovered a permanent marker and decided a few tattoos on themselves and on the nearest wall were in order.

Or...as happened with my son...your child found some scissors and decided to perform his or her own haircut. 

Let's face it -- if you are a parent, you've probably been there, done that with at least one child. Am I right???

So, let me tell you a story about the day my darling little boy (he's 21 now!) decided to trim his own hair.

When my son was born, we were extremely broke -- like one wrong thing and we'd be homeless if it weren't for the help of my parents level broke. As a result, I taught myself to do as many tasks as I could myself, including cutting our hair myself. As he grew older and more mobile, I became careful about putting scissors away as soon as I was done cutting his hair. 

Shortly after my son's third birthday, I trimmed his golden locks, preparing him to be the ring bearer in my sister's upcoming wedding. He was going to be so cute in his tiny tuxedo, Jerry Maguire glasses (remember that kid?), and golden curls! He was excited and so was I!

Fast forward an hour or so after the haircut and my realizing I hadn't heard a noise from my little guy in a while... Curious, I looked around the living room and didn't see him -- I'd left him playing with his Duplo blocks while I did some cooking and cleaning in the adjacent kitchen. But, the sliding glass door was open a crack (thankfully our yard was small and secure!).

I found my child on the patio, scissors in one hand, and a clump of hair in the other!

And, a big ol' bald spot smack in the middle of his hair at the top of his forehead. 

My child had not only cut off a big chunk of his own hair, but he'd done so in an area that would not only be impossible to hide with the rest of his hair due to the location, but it also was quite a large patch! And, he'd cut the hair so close to the skin that it looked like he'd stopped just short of scalping himself!

I didn't know if I should laugh or cry and I probably did a little of both. 

I ended up trimming his hair as much as I could. but because he'd cut so much and so closely to the skin, I didn't do a great job -- I didn't have the tools to deal with that effectively. So, his sweet, thick, soft, golden hair was gone. No more adorable curls framing his face. No more sweet bangs flopping down over his forehead. 

By the time we flew to California for my sister's wedding and the preceding wedding party events, my son's hair had not had time to grow back. So, my future brother-in-law took my little boy to a friend's barbershop and they returned to my sister's house with a well done haircut that looked...

Good...?

The new haircut was indeed well done and obviously the work of a professional barber, but my son's hair was so lightly golden and the haircut necessarily so close to the head due to the near scalping nature of my son's DIY attempt that my child looked bald.

Truly, if you weren't right next to him, you couldn't actually see his hair! 

Imagine if you will, a three year old of usually serious nature, large round glasses, button down shirts (his favorite at the time), and hair so light that he looked bald from a distance. Oh, and did I mention that his head was, um, large?

Now, imagine the same little boy in a tuxedo. His head looked even larger.

My son did a great job as the ring bearer at my sister's wedding, but throughout the reception, I continually had people coming up to me and asking questions like, "What kind does he have?" or "How is he handling treatment?" It took a minute for me to realize they thought he was bald due to chemotherapy and cancer!

YIKES!

But, my son made up for the seriousness of such questions by being a little bit of a comedian at the reception, climbing under the bridal party's table on the stage and sticking his head out from under the floor length table cloths and looking around -- his head looked disembodied and he was so stoic in his expression that the effect was hilarious! People noticed and he became even more serious and funny at the same time!

I wish I had pictures of my son's first (and only, thankfully) do-it-yourself haircut and the events that followed.I probably had at least a moment of being mad, but in hindsight, I'm so glad my son and I shared this experience! Photos would have been precious keepsakes, but I do have my memories. 

Tell us a story about your own kids giving themselves haircuts! What did they do and how did you handle it? 

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Children are GROSS--a story about boogers

Children are gross...

...and that little fact happened to win me a contest a few years back!

When my son was about 6 or 7 years old (he's 18 now and likely will be mortified to know I am sharing this story), we were sitting on the couch watching television together. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed movement near his face.

I kept watching television...

Then, before I could stop him, I had the realization that the movement was his hand near his face and that his finger was heading towards his nose.

Quick as a flash, his finger was in his nose, digging around and then that very same finger was...

IN...

MY...

MOUTH!

I kid you not! I was so stunned that, at first, I sat there, shocked!

What in the world????

Of course, I was torn between disgust and wanting to laugh. It was one of those unbelievable moments where your brain can only think, "What just happened? Is this real?"

I could not believe it! But...

That disgusting incident actually led to me winning a radio contest!

Now, I almost never win anything, or at least never the grand or main prize. I've come in second and third in many contests in the past, but never first! So, when I was on my way home from work a week or two later and heard an on air call for "your grossest parenting stories" contest, I thought I'd give it a try without expecting to even get on air at all, let alone win.

I was maybe the third caller and was shocked to find myself on air and sharing my little story. The two DJs, both women and moms, were just as grossed out by my story as I was to have been involved in the actual event! They asked me stay on hold while they took a few more calls and I could hear them discussing the other callers and my story. They kept saying, "Oh, that's gross, but not as gross as your child's boogers in your mouth!"

I kept expecting someone to call with a really disgusting story about their kid...more disgusting than mine.

And, the next thing I knew, I was being congratulated for winning and having the most disgusting child...er, story about my child...

It was just before Thanksgiving, and the grand prize was a voucher for a free turkey and a bag of Thanksgiving side dish ingredients. I ended up donating most of it to the local food bank, and I've had a good laugh every Thanksgiving since remembering (and sharing) that story.

What disgusting things have your children done that both shocked you and made you want to laugh at the same time? Share with a comment!

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Book Club--Part 5: The Trouble with Boys by Peg Tyre

Welcome back to our Mom2MomEd book club! We hope you've been following along! Previously, McKenzie and I have written our posts together after discussing the week's chapters, but last week, due to scheduling issues, McKenzie wrote a post solo, and this week it's my turn!

Because, you know, LIFE happens! 

Anyhow, today we are tackling chapters 10 and 11 of The Trouble with Boys: A Surprising Report Card on Our Sons, Their Problems at School, and What Parents and Educators Must Do by journalist Peg Tyre.

Let's get started, shall we?

Although I spent much of my formal education wishing I could be homeschooled, I had some amazing teachers. Some of them were men--two in elementary school.

There was my fourth grade teacher, Mr. B., who understood that kids needed movement, a balance of science and the arts, and a good mix of hands on projects woven in with the textbook-based curriculum. 

There was Mr. L., my sixth grade teacher who also liked projects, but also loved to lighten things up with a weekly logic puzzle and goofy prizes. He also believed that kids needed movement, but he also believed in rest and naps.

My son had an amazing fourth grade teacher before we began to homeschool--Mr. C. believed in the arts, creative writing, and movement. 

Yet, when a new teacher arrives at an elementary school, what do you think the reactions are? In chapter 10, Tyre uncovers the typical reactions: parents are worried and suspicious. They wonder why a man would want to teach elementary school. They whisper behind his back. They complain to the administration.

Men in teaching have to prove themselves much the same way women in male-dominated fields have to prove themselves. They have to work harder, be better, and go the extra mile.They also often face similar discrimination and gender stereotyping.

The sad thing is that our sons (and daughters) need both male and female teachers in their lives. Boys, in particular benefit from male teachers, as Tyre discovers, because male teachers are much more understanding of the boy experience--they have been there, done that.

According to Tyre's research, at the time of the writing of her book, the number of male teachers in the United States was at an all time low in elementary school with only 9-percent of teachers being men. 

However, Tyre's research also uncovered that while we do need more men in the teaching profession, the research actually seems to indicate that the gender of a student's teacher is less important than the sensitivity of that teacher to the student's and the class's needs. A teacher who is able to understand and balance the needs and challenges of boy students along with the needs and challenges of girl students is far more likely to have success with both. 

In chapter 11, Tyre begins to tackle the issue of boys and literacy--boys simply aren't reading as well as girls. My private tutoring practice, spanning more than two and a half decades bears this out well--in all of that time, of all of my reading students, only three have been girls. And, I have tutored A LOT of kids over those many years! 

Tyre's research uncovers just how wide the gap is between the vast majority of boys and their female counterparts when it comes to reading ability with huge numbers of boys falling into categories of below basic and barely literate. 

Can you guess which groups of boys in particular are falling into these categories of such low reading performance? What ages, socio-economic classes, or races do you think these boys belong to?

Would it surprise you to find out that it is ALL ages, ALL socio-economic classes, and ALL races of boys?

ALL categories of boys are under performing in reading (and writing...but that's the next chapter!) 

Tyre also notes that some studies suggest that if boys are not reading "at grade level" by the eighth grade, their likelihood of graduating from high school plummets. She points out early in the chapter that 40+ years ago this might not have been a huge hindrance as there were many avenues of work available with good, livable wages, that did not necessarily require a high level of literacy. Unfortunately, many of those jobs either no longer exist in large numbers in the United States or they don't pay as well as they once did. 

What's not clear, however, is the exact reason why boys fall behind in literacy--and stay there. While research is being done in an effort to gain insight into this issue, there have been no conclusive answers, despite a few studies having been widely cited as proving brain differences between female and male students. The research simply isn't well enough developed and has been misconstrued as saying something it may not actually mean.

Tyre does go on to look at possible ways to address male literacy deficits, but she also found that many people in the field of literacy and education are hesitant to talk about boy-centric issues since so much emphasis has been on female-centric learning issues for so long.

Tyre points out a few ways to help boys that you may find beneficial and that are somewhat in line with my reading suggestions in THIS post and THIS post. In particular, I want to highlight three topics that Tyre addresses and that have come up over and over in my tutoring practice:

1. Boys (and girls) MUST see their parents and other important adults in their lives reading--and they MUST see MEN reading.
Over time, boys typically begin to view reading as a female activity since most of the people they see reading or who suggest reading materials to them are women. These women often--but not always--also tend to focus on books that appeal more frequently to women and suggest such books to boys without realizing that they may not have the same appeal to a boy.

If you are a man and reading this, please make time to read with, to, or in front of your sons. If you are a woman reading this, please take the time to encourage the men in your son's life to read to, with, or in front of your sons. 

Boys need to know that reading is an activity that can be enjoyed by BOTH males and females.

2. Boys need reading material that appeals to them. 
As a parent, teacher, or librarian, you may not like the idea of a student reading Captain Underpants, Diary of a Wimpy Kid, Stink, Hank Zipzer, and so on. You might not think books that are merely lists and facts are appropriate. You might find comic books and graphic novels too graphic or not literary enough.

However, these are the types of materials many elementary school boys find interesting and enjoyable. 

I just want boys to read and I want them to enjoy reading. 

If it takes a book focused on farting and barfing to get a boy involved in and enjoying reading, I am ok with that. 

Get boys hooked on reading material that they find interesting and enjoyable, and later, when they have more experience with reading and maybe even WANT to read of their own accord, you can likely get them to read more sophisticated material.

As I mentioned in a previous post, I got one boy to practice reading by tying Spider Man into every tutoring lesson. I got another boy to improve his reading--and eventually to really enjoy reading--by allowing him to read the Diary of a Wimpy Kid series. Another boy was able to get into reading when I convinced his parents to allow him to read Captain Underpants--that boy gained three grade levels in reading ability in less than six months and was soon reading the entire Harry Potter series on his own and loving it.

You don't need to necessarily approve of your son's reading material--just be excited that he's reading at all!

3. Boys and girls BOTH may benefit from a phonics-rich teaching approach, but don't discount whole word (or sight word) instruction entirely.
Tyre discovered that a study done in Scotland showed that students taught exclusively with a whole word (sometimes called sight word) approach typically did not read as well as students with significant phonics instruction.

My tutoring experience supports a strong phonics base, but the English language is tricky and most of my reading students have benefited most from a mix of phonics and sight words practice. The majority benefited from about 70% phonics and 30% sight word instruction, and especially if manipulative tools (things they could hold and manipulate) were used during instruction.

One of the researchers Tyre interviewed noted that boys in particular seemed to like using magnetic letters that they could move about and rearrange and such approaches to teaching phonics seemed to work well for most students.

So, even if your child's school is using a sight words approach to teaching reading, I want you to bust out the fridge magnet alphabet letters and let your kids go to town with them! As a parent or teacher, use the letters to create both real and nonsense words and let your kids do the same. Perhaps even make up complete sentences of ONLY nonsense words and read them aloud to each other--you and your child will be forced to sound out all of the letters. 

The student I mentioned above who gained three grade levels in just a matter of months did exceptionally well with a phonics-based approach and with significant practice with made up words. Each session, we spent a few minutes on simply pronouncing letters and groups of letters. As he progressed, the groupings would become longer and more complex. Occasionally I would include a difficult real word to see if he would catch it during our pronunciation practice--the more his reading skills improved, the more frequently he found the real words hidden among the made up ones.

And a bonus on boys and writing...
Finally, Tyre touches on boys and writing--in particular, the fact that boys typically like to write about topics not deemed acceptable at most schools. Boys frequently want to write stories rich in action and conflict, often involving the bad guys dying violently. Or, they envision space warfare with battleships fighting for space territory and blowing each other up. Sometimes boys write about blood and guts. Sometimes they write about monsters.

Overwhelmingly, teachers are appalled by the natural subjects of boys' writings.

If that is the case for your son, I encourage you to accept that this is merely an expression of creativity and that boys often gravitate to these subjects NOT because they are violent themselves, but because it allows them to play out heroism. 

Boys and girls both need freedom to express themselves and to be creative. For boys, this often is at odds with what educators expect of them. 

However, without such creative expression, we would not have Superman, Star Wars, Tron, GI Joe, and many other iconic movies and characters that so many of us have grown up with. 

What struggles have you experienced in your own education with regard to reading and writing? What are your children's experiences? Share with us in a comment!

And, are there ways we might be able to help you in supporting your young readers and writers? How can we help you to advocate for or encourage your kids in their educations? Let us know!

You can find all of our posts about The Trouble with Boys by Peg Tyre here:

• Post #1: Why we're reading The Trouble with Boys by Peg Tyre
• Post #2: Introduction through Chapter 3
• Post #3: Chapters 4 through 6
• Post #4: Chapters 7 through 9
• Post #6: Coming soon!

Head to your local library for the books mentioned in this post, or click through the links below to Amazon to purchase the books: 

• Captain Underpants series by Dav Pilkey
• Diary of a Wimpy Kid series by Jeff Kinney
• Stink series by Megan McDonald
• Hank Zipzer series by Henry Winkler

If you bring home some of these books, let us know what your kids thought! 

Be sure to also sign up for our newsletter so you get first dibs on new content, tips and ideas, and special discounts and announcements on upcoming products and courses--sign up HERE.

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