Welcome back to the Mom2MomEd BOOK CLUB! We hope you've been following along! If not, don't pass up our FIRST, SECOND and THIRD posts.
We are reading The Trouble with Boys: A Surprising Report Card on Our Sons, Their Problems at School, and What Parents and Educators Must Do by Peg Tyre.
This week instead of both of us weighing in, it's just McKenzie's perspective. Don't worry! You will get a chance to hear from Malea next week.
We really hope that you are following along with us. This book has been eye opening and is a definite must read for any parent!
This past week we read Chapters 7, 8 and 9 and again, WOW! Definitely some food for thought. Read on to see what I thought......
Chapter 7: Requiem for Recess
Recess has slowly diminished over time. Due to school reform
and increased expectations, recess is becoming less and less of a priority. Or is it?
Would you believe that currently only 39 percent of first graders get 20 minutes a day (or less) of recess? The percentage continues to drop as children
reach older ages.
Peg Tyre notes, “principals are torn. They know that kids need activity, but
physical movement-jumping, screaming, skipping rope, throwing a ball,
roughhousing with friends, or simply taking a quiet walk around the perimeter of
the playground—is no longer considered a productive use of the school day.”
Really? Fresh air, physical movement, refocusing, self care,
social interaction, respite from sitting at a desk or not productive uses of
the school day? Since when? I understand
that there are instructional requirements that teachers and administrators must
follow but, come on! Our children are not robots. As an adult, I get antsy if I’m cooped up in
my house too much. I perform best when I’m given plenty of breaks and can
physically remove myself from “work.” Why do we expect our little ones to be
any different?
Tyre goes on to explore why we are also restricting what can
and can’t be tolerated during the measly few minutes children DO get outside
for recess. Rough play is strongly discouraged on many campuses and children are
no longer able to play tag or touch football.
As a society have we gotten too paranoid????
YES. The answer is YES.
I’m in the camp that kids need to move. Adults needs to
move. Humans need to move. We were not built to just sit still, follow directions
and be indoors. Boys especially need
this time to literally—spread their wings. While I understand that teachers and
administrators have a ridiculous amount of pressure on them to perform, it’s disappointing
that the one subject that is so desperately needed for boys is the first one to
be cut.
In addition, are we so afraid of what is going to happen if
we let our children play freely during their time in recess? Do we really have to control
every game, every interaction and make sure that it is structured? Tyre notes, “Let’s be clear about what we are
losing when we reduce recess and ban tag.
We rob children of free play that is really free. There’s a cost—and it’s a steep one for many
boys.”
There has been research on the impact of physical activity on
learning and test scores. The correlation is there. Why aren’t the decision
makers seeing this? Who needs to
advocate? How are parents and teachers feeling about this? I’d be curious to see the impact this has on
teachers as well. I can’t imagine standing in front of a class teaching all day
without having time to walk around outside and relax my brain. I’m guessing that many teachers feel the
same. So, are they really giving their best at school without breaks either? It
seems like this is a much bigger issue with a simple solution…incorporate more
movement in schools.PERIOD.
Chapter 8: Pay Attention
This chapter hit home hard for me. It’s my worst fears for
my son in words. I already have figured that he’ll be “labeled” at some point
in his education just because he’s not a conformist.
The story of Kelley and Tim made me sad/mad/hurt and disappointed.
They felt pressure by their sons teacher to “get him tested.” They felt
strongly that nothing was “wrong” with him yet were continually bombarded with
all of these behaviors that his teacher was pointing out. At some point as a parent you begin to
question yourself. What if there really is something “wrong” with my
child? Of course you would want to seek
intervention as soon as possible. But, on the flip side, are teachers really
qualified to make the call as to whether or not a child should be tested for
ADHD?
As parent’s we see
our children in every situation. We know how they are at home, in public, at
school, with friends, in private. Some
of these diagnosis have become “one size fits all” and it’s going to end up
ruining our children’s self esteem, trust in teachers and parents and we’re
going to end up with a bunch of overly medicated children who really just
needed to play outside.
I’m not going to make this a debate on if ADHD exists or
not. I don’t really care either way. My concern is that boys are being diagnosed
with it at an alarming rate and we KNOW that the system which is pointing the
finger is also the very one who is not meeting the needs of our boys.
Since there are no medical test to diagnosis ADHD, doctors
rely heavily on teacher and parent observations. Tyre adds, “What parents, psychologists, and
physicians forget is that when a teacher checks off “often” next to “climbs
excessively” she is saying something about your son but she is saying more
about her expectations for your sons behavior in her class.” This really speaks
to me. If teachers, administrators and parents took a hard look at the
expectations and parameters which are set around our children, they will find
(hopefully) that these are actually just very normal behaviors for kids—especially
boys.
Chapter 9: Notes from the front
What an interesting chapter!
The beginning of the chapter focuses on a middle class
school that was seeing a decline in boy’s interest in school and were facing a “boy
problem.” While the principal was greatly aware of these issues he wasn’t able
to accomplish much without the means and support.
“The reality of public education in
low-performing schools, where the boy problem was worst, was that teachers and
administrators worked like members of a NASCAR pit crew doing whatever they
could, as fast as they could, to help get their underachieving kids over the
finish line. Nevertheless, in middle class-communities, many parents, teachers,
and school administrators thought it was girls, not boys, who needed all of the
help.”
I like how the chapter later talks about the discrepancy between
adult standards and that which we set for boys. Specifically relating to noise
and rough play.
In fact, as I’m
sitting her typing I’ve asked my son no less than five times to keep the noise
level down. I actually just literally stopped
myself in my own tracks and thought about what I was doing. He’s not screaming,
he’s not yelling he’s excited about the pretend pet shop he’s created with his
sister and is speaking out of joy. Who am I to ask him to keep it down?
We’re
not in church, we’re not in public, we’re in our own home.
Unfortunately this only illustrates that it really takes
making a conscientious effort to allow our children the freedom they need to
thrive. I think I also have a lot of
work to do!
- Here are 2 action steps for you to work on this week with your son (or daughter)...
- For every time you redirect your child, praise them for something they are doing well. Watch their reactions. Do they smile? Act surprised? Do that every day for a week. Make note of the difference it makes.
- Observe your child in the park, at school, with friends. Watch how they play with one another. Think about how often you direct their play. Do you think that all rough play is dangerous and should be avoided? Observe how they react to other children.
- Post #1:Why we are reading The Trouble with Boys by Peg Tyre
- Post #2: Introduction through Chapter 3
- Post #3: Chapters 4, 5 and 6
- Post # 5: Coming Soon!
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